Sometimes I get jealous reading Danny's page. I think it's so cool that he keeps in touch with his closest friends via thoughts pages. They have written proof that they're good friends! It's also kind of gay, but it's cool.
Reading about Danny's college years reminded me of my college years. I just wanted to write about it as well. My biggest regret of college is not majoring in Asian Languages with an emphasis in Japanese. That would have been the perfect major for me. Then I would have minored in Asian American Studies and gotten a masters in Education. Instead, I majored in Asian American Studies and minored in Psychology. Psychology was interesting but very difficult for me. I'm just not a science kind of girl, and I just couldn't handle all the technical sides of psychology. I think once my TA felt so bad for me that she gave me a B+, instead of a C that I deserved on that paper. I met with her like twice and kept asking her questions, etc. I really wanted to do well on the paper, but in the end I just could not make up an experiment to find out if people are attracted to each other. I think I remember getting angry at Danny once for asking me what my paper was about. That happens a lot with us. He'll ask me a question, and I'll blow up not because of the nature of the question, but because of what that question implies. Which is only in my mind. Like with the psychology paper, I felt insecure about the paper, and I knew it didn't make sense. And when Danny asked an innocent question about what it was about, I just blew up! Random.
Anyways, my first quarter freshman year I took Korean, Japanese, and CIV. Fifteen units. The greatest quarter of my life. No boy problems. Spiritual high. Classes that I loved, except CIV. In fact, not to brag, but I got two A+'s and an A that quarter. My older brother was quite impressed!
And then I don't know what happened in the quarters thereafter. Gr. In hindsight I'm so angry at myself for giving in to peer pressure, parental pressure, and societal pressure. "Why are you taking only language classes?" "What's your future in taking Korean?" "Think about your career in consulting, engineering, medicine, or law."
No one, absolutely no one at Stanford had a friendly word of encouragement for my academic aspirations. I'm quite bitter about that. Even my academic advisor was of zero help. My plan was to take as many language classes as I can because I knew I was good at it and that I would enjoy it. Henry David Thoreau, author of Walden Pond and supporter of civil disobedience, took only language classes in college. That inspired me. But it was horrible how I collapsed under pressure. My freshman year roommate was an aspiring doctor or business woman who ended up double majoring in biology and economics. To this day she is still considering taking the GMAT or the MCAT. I felt like an idiot studying my dinky Japanese when she was around. I didn't have to study a whole lot for my quizzes and tests.
But if you know FiCS freshmen that year and how they studied, you would know why I felt so uncomfortable and idiotic standing next to them. They were constantly studying. I mean every waking minute! It was insane. I never felt so insecure about not studying in my whole life! I mean, in high school I went to a school that was pretty nerdy, and I was used to being in an environment where people studied like crazy, etc. But I was always okay with being the non-studier. I was secure in my not studying for the SAT's, and not taking Princeton Review, and not getting a 1600. However, my class at FiCS.... I think three people had a 1600. Granted it was re-centered, still it was telling of the kind of people I associated with.
Anyways, what I failed to realize at that moment in my life was that everyone had insecurities. Those who were madly studying were insecure about where they were headed, and so studied everything. I realize that I was very secure in who I was and where I was headed, but got sidetracked because I thought everyone else was doing better than I was. How ridiculous. sigh. Anyways, to this day, I regret tremendously how I did not major in Japanese at Stanford.
Thanks for listening. I better get back to writing comments about my students.