What's on my mind: (3/14/96)
I accidentally erased what I wrote again. So I'll try to recap.
I erased one of my old pages and was disturbed by it. And I was discouraged by myself, because I realized I had a lot of pride. Putting this up was just a pride thing. Like I need to show people I'm cool or profound or challenging or something like that. And that bothered me. It's just totally pride. It being between me and God is B.S., otherwise I wouldn't have made it public. With that, I continue.
I wrote this:
I'm really disturbed by that. Why the heck am I doing this? In any case, I refuse to give the impression like my thoughts are somehow cool or challenging or thought-provoking or profound. As Eli would say, "They're absurd." All right? Absurd.
I think there's a trend toward openness in society that's bad.
I started thinking this after our dorm did this Crossing the Line, where a moderator will go "If you consider your self ______, please cross the line." Where the blank is homosexual, or racist, or abused or anything personal (and impersonal) like that.
And that bothered me, because I don't think we're called to be open to everyone. But that's like a trend in society. And I think it's bad.
Because it can be like a crutch. (Sorry I'm just kind of summarizing what i said; sorry if it makes no sense). Why do people need to make such private things so public? Like childhood abuse. I thought part of it was because:
... abuse because it explains everything bad that's happened to them. I'm not saying that definite negative effects occurred, but there's no reason to be so public about it, to make your personal situation your identity like that. It gives people an excuse. It's like people want to wear their weakness on their sleeve.
Another thing about openness. It makes certain things seem OK. Like homosexuality. This is touchy, and let me get things straight: I love homosexuals. I'll say that again: I love homosexuals. I came from a school with more than a few, and some of them were my friends. They are my friends. And I honestly love them. But I have to be honest: I think it is wrong. But I think it's wrong just the way I think drunkenness or anger or (especially) pride is wrong, and it shouldn't be subject to more judgment than other sins. All right.
Anyway, our current attitude about homosexuality started with just a desire for openness. Regarding struggles and everything. But this openness just leads to an atmosphere that things are OK. Like there has always been homosexuality, but somehow openness gives the idea that it's OK. Why? Drunkenness has always existed, too, but just because people have always struggled with it doesn't somehow make it OK. Young people have always struggled with passions, but that they have doesn't make it OK to act on it. But this current fad of openness, to me, leads to this. It's like saying, yeah, let's get it out into the open. It happens. So why not let it? Heck, why not encourage it?
And this isn't just the world, it's also the church. A desire for openness regarding homosexuality has led to many churches saying it's OK. Again, I think the call is to love them, as we should love all people. But it's simply not OK. Even the teenage passion thing. There was this proposal a while back by some denomination, I can't remember which, which had some pretty radical ideas, such as saying that relations between "responsible teenagers" was OK. I swear it's true. It wasn't passed, but that it even came up at all shocked me. And the whole discussion started because a call to openness and honesty was called for in the denomination.
Call me old-fashioned, but I believe certain things were called taboo because they were supposed to be. Certain things shouldn't be discussed publicly because they're not supposed to be. By definition, they're not public; they're private matters.
Don't get me wrong though. I do believe we should share deeply and openly of ourselves. But there should be discernment in this. And in any case, the purpose should be encouragement. To encourage others, and to be encouraged by others. And not a superficial encouragement, but a real one: a desire to see ourselves and others grow in Christ, overcoming our humanness to become more perfect through the grace and mercy of our Lord Jesus.
Where in the Bible does it say we should talk about everything? Reveal everything we're going to? It says share each others' burdens and all that, but again, my bold claim is that the point should always be for encouragement, and that alone. Openness for openness' sake is in my opinion, idiotic and absurd.
So should we share our very personal struggles with others? Well, sure, we should share our struggles. But discernment must be used. If we are too open about our most personal struggles, I think bad things can happen. First of all, the it's OK attitude starts coming out. Like, we share about it, and reach the faulty conclusion that hey, what the heck, everyone goes through this. Yeah, we'll always acknowledge it as a problem, and always try to overcome it, but that's just the problem. We'll always be acknowledging it as a problem, and always be trying to overcome it. It's like we've given up and said, yeah, let's be open about it, we'll always be struggling with it. Why do we need to be so open about these most personal things? Is it an indirect acknowledgement that we will always be struggling with it? Don't we have faith in God? A God who is so powerful that He can help us overcome our inner sin, that though we may struggle, He can overcome? That we won't struggle with the same things forever? That He who began a good work in us is faithful to finish it? Take heart, for He has overcome the world. How much more so can He overcome the weaknesses in us. And someday, we'll be complete.
Do you get what I'm saying? Yeah, we should share our struggles. Absolutely. But sharing too much of certain things is wrong. This wanton openness thing is garbage. At the least we risk saying that we'll always struggle with it, at worst we risk saying that it's OK.
One might say we need to share so that others can pray for us. How can they pray for our struggles if they don't know them? That sounds pretty convincing. But I don't think it's compelling. Romans tells us that sometimes we can only groan to God in a way words cannot express (Romans 8:26). How are others going to pray for us if we can't express it in words? In fact, the same verse says that we ourselves don't know what we should pray for. So how does it happen? By the Spirit, which intercedes on our behalf. Prayer through the Spirit is more powerful than any amount of sharing. To me, this verse says that there are certain things that we can't even express, but only groan, and the Spirit intercedes for us. And this might be a stretch, but I believe that there are certain things certain things we should not publically express. Not everything needs to be prayed for publicly; in fact not everything can be. There are certain things people can't even pray for. It's not necessary that we have people pray for everything in our lives. Does this make sense at all? I hope it's not to confusing or wrong.
That we're uncomfortable talking about certain things is not wrong or bad. It's a good thing, and I think it means something. It's an indication of something. I shouldn't feel comfortable talking about the status of my marriage with just anyone. It's limited to certain people. I shouldn't feel comfortable talking with my personal struggles to just anyone: it's limited to my friends. And the more personal the struggles, the more uncomfortable I feel sharing it except with a select few. The goal isn't to make discussing it more comfortable. The goal is to have the discernment to understand who we can and should share certain things with, and who and what we should refrain sharing about or with.
Openness I think has calloused society. Sex is a private thing. Talk about it too much and you cheapen it. Violence is a bad thing. Show too much of it and it deadens the impact. Lots of things. But that's just what I think.
Oh and another thing. It's a lie, I think, that if we keep it up bottled up it will slowly build up and drive us crazy or something like that. That release is a good thing. I say this from both a spiritual and a purely psychological sense. Like there was this idea that we need to release our pentup aggression or it will somehow destroy us from the inside out. You know what I'm talking about? You know, those therapy groups where people say, "just release your anger, hit this little doll, let it all go, acknowledge your rage toward so and so, etc." And this with the belief that be letting it go, it will dissipate. That it's like an inflating balloon, and if you don't release the pressure, it will pop.
This was basically shown to be false. Tons of scientific evidence, not inferential logic, has demonstrated this. Tons of psychological studies have shown that the desired effect really doesn't happen. Instead, it seems to increase aggression, by lowering inhibitions. I get this from David Myers in Social Psychology, published by McGraw-Hill, 1993. And when I look at what's happening today, I gots to agree. It's not dissipating frustration, but it's lowering inhibition. In ourselves and in society in general.
Guilt and shame is the proper response toward sin! I am rightfully guilty
and shameful of my sinful flesh. But if that's what I focus on, my
weakness, my flesh, my guilt, my shame, that's where my identity will be:
my guilt. But we are called to not look at earthly things but focus on
spiritual things. Yes, our flesh will hold us back, but as citizens of
heaven, our
Why are we trying to shock each other? What's the effect? In the past, shocking just leads to one-upmanship. Just look at TV talk-shows, who keep trying to outdo one another. What's the end effect? In the end, it's not shocking anymore. Is that the response we really want to have? To make it such a common topic that it's not not a big deal anymore? And the problem is, there's a snowball effect. And it continues with even more shocking topics. That's absurd.
Let's be open with each other, but let's show discernment, and display wisdom in what we share and who we share it with.
Well, that's just what I think. I could be totally wrong, but hey that's what I think. Flame me if you want. And the vast majority must not understand at all what I'm talking about, and why I'm going so crazy about this but oh well. I'll see yas laters.