I hate "diet" or "light" anything. It represents the worst of America to me. The obvious answer to overconsumption and its associated illnesses is to consume less. But Americans have this delusion that they can make trivial concessions (with diet and light foods and whatever), still eat as much as they want, and suddenly everything's OK. That just won't work. If you're downing diet and light foods and drinks all day, you're almost certainly overconsuming other foods as well. The caloric savings is just a drop in the bucket, and it's not going to make much difference.

The only real solution is behavior modification, portion control. I hate how America tries to take the easy way out, not really change a thing about themselves and vainly trust in "solutions" like diet and light foods, the Atkins diet, Olestra, Splenda, whatevers. Just do what needs to be done instead of looking for a magic pill.

I know, it's not very compassionate of me, who is blessed with skinny genes and a modest appetite. But still, I hate that about America. We all think we can get all the good without putting in the work to get it. I love that quote Steve Martin had when he hosted the Oscars, talking about some actor and how good he looked, and he says, "I would do anything to look like that... except eat right and exercise." That's America in a nutshell.

My biggest quibble with diet and light foods though is that they taste bad. I'm especially annoyed by light soy sauce. Come on now. Soy sauce is meant to add flavor and saltiness. If you lighten it up, you just need to add more to get the same effect. So what's the point? Rage.

So I watched the new Pride and Prejudice, and I came out feeling deeply depressed. I have to say, first of all, that I'm a total Philistine, with no proper respect for this type of material. I think for a time I pretended to be sensitive like that, watching all those Austen movies and stuff like The Age of Innocence (a movie which, in retrospect, I was profoundly bored by and didn't understand at all, although I acted like I appreciated it. Incidentally, I think I watched this with Minho, a man who actually is sensitive). So call me a caveman, but yeah, I think P&P would have been improved with the addition of a few key fight scenes.

But that's just why I wasn't into it. Why it depressed me was, I dunno, the whole movie to me represented such a profoundly empty life. Their whole existence centers around getting married. Absent that, it's just about entertaining themselves. The oldest daughter has this line where she's talking about London, and how it's such a great place because there's so many ways to divert yourself. That pretty much sums up how they live. Even Darcy reflects this when he talks about the kind of woman he wants. They learn to play piano, languages, cross stitch or whatever, read, and for what end? Nothing. Just to divert themselves. Then they die. What kind of sad, pathetic existence is that?

I dunno, I think I'm one of those unfortunate individuals who are deeply emotionally affected by abstract, philosophical ideas. In particular, I'm obsessed with purpose. Maybe this is just a Stanford thing. I remember a KCPC deacon once saying how annoying the Stanford folks were, because whenever they were asked to do something, they always had to know why. But yeah, purpose is really important to me.

And a lack of purpose depresses me. I pretty much can't do anything without seeing a point to it, and that includes living. And the secular world, I don't really see a point to it all. So I've said this before, but if I weren't a Christian, I'm fairly sure I'd be suicidal. I'm that impacted by a lack of real purpose. And the secular alternatives - entertainment, self-improvement, existentially self-defined purpose - aren't compelling to me.

However, I am Christian, I do have purpose, so I'm not suicidal. But whenever I'm reminded of empty life, it still really depresses me. Pretty much the whole movie, someone would say a line and it just made me want to run up to the character and yell, "why?" Why get married? Why learn piano? Why go to London? Why travel? What's the point? Why, why, why? I don't think they could give a good answer, and that just totally depressed me.

I dunno, I'm turning into my dad I guess, but P&P was just a reminder to me that the world needs Jesus. Or at least I do, to remain sane.

Don't ask me why this movie depressed me, but The Transporter 2, an infinitely more hollow movie, did not. Haven't totally figured that out. But yeah, I do think it's related to the fight scenes. If you're gonna be empty, might as well spice it up. As Cher says in Clueless, "Until mankind is peaceful enough not to have violence on the news, there's no point in taking it out of shows that need it for entertainment value." Well said.

I'm still undecided on the plasma TV thing. Partly because I'm concerned on the effect it will have on my future children. What I mean is, I dunno, I feel very strongly that self denial is an important part of the Christian life, when done for the right reasons, and I want to impart that value to my children. When I say the right reasons, I mean in order to give more to others, or to be able to relate to people you might want to minister to better, or as a witness, stuff like that.

My concern is, there's really no way to effectively communicate that value to my kids when I'm simultaneously indulging myself in whatever I want. I think the hypocrisy would shine through. So a part of me thinks there is value in wanting something and being able to comfortably afford it, but still not getting it for the sake of a higher purpose. I'm just trying to figure out if that applies here.

You know what my #1 hope is in relation to my kids is, and this might sound weird. But my prayer is that they will not be the focus of Jieun and my life. I want us to be good parents. I just don't want it to be that they dominate our lives and schedules. Specifically, I don't want them to prevent us from being actively involved in whatever ministries we're involved in. Parents of small children always say you can't understand what it's like until it happens to you, and that's true. But I've seen many inspirations and models of godly parents who, even with small children, have continued to be actively involved in ministry. Like a pastor I know with 3 boys, who, from the time they were really young to now, was still enormously active, visiting all the small groups, doing the morning prayer thing, myriad evening meetings throughout the week, leading short term mission trips in the summers. I've seen that it's possible.

So yeah, kind of a strange thing to want, but that is one of my biggest hopes, that having kids doesn't stop us from being actively involved in serving.

We had a visitor to our small group last week and it came out in the course of the conversation (topic: stewardship) that he was frugal. Some might say cheap. Which made me feel an immediate kinship with him. I actually should have known he was a frugal brother the first time he visited our church, since he was wearing an Old Navy shirt that I also own, a shirt they sold in 1995 or thereabouts. It takes a cheap man to wear an Old Navy shirt for 10 years.

I don't think people fully realize how cheap I can be. For a period when I was living in grad student housing, to save money on toilet paper, I took all my dumps at the library, one of which was open 24 hours. And for a period last year, I took all my showers at the gym at work, to save money on soap, shampoo, and conditioner. Ridiculous. Life is too short to live like that, but yeah, I have those tendencies.

We went to Jieun's school's holiday party last week, and I realized that it's really hard for teachers to pick names for their kids. Every single teacher I talked to, when we discussed potential kid names, all say how they had a student with that name before, and how because of how those kids were, they associate that name with the kid and wouldn't be able to use that name for their own kids. Prior name association eliminates those names from consideration. The problem is, teachers have so many kids through the years, it eliminates a ton of names. I have no idea how they end up choosing anything. It's come up for us also, Jieun's had too many kids that cover names we've been interested in. I guess we'll see what we do.

I have a theory about noonchi. That's that Korean concept, I guess you'd translate it as "intuition" or "social sense". But the idea is, if you have noonchi, you have this social sense such that you understand things intuitively without anything being said. Girls supposedly tend to have it, guys supposedly tend to not have it. And girls frequently get down on guys for not having more noonchi.

So here's my theory. I don't think noonchi comes without a cost. Yes, if you have noonchi, you may be able to intuit certain social things. But I think it's accompanied with a fair amount of false positives. That is, you incorrectly read into social things where there is actually nothing there. And the people with the most supposed noonchi also do the most freaking out about signals and signs that aren't really there.

And that's my theory.

It's two things, really, both required: honesty and a desire for something better.

I dislike cheerleader Christianity. That's the only way I can describe it. Just pretending that everything about Christianity is sunny, treating faith basically like a big cheer. A lot of CCM, and contemporary Christian culture in general, is like that. Like, I've been to some Christian conferences where one part of the crowd will yell, "I like Jesus, yes I do. I like Jesus, how 'bout you?" I mean, it's fine as a crowd cheer. But I actually think some people approach their faith this way. And I hate that. Also, I don't think it's true to Scripture. I think C.S. Lewis wrote about this in his Reflections on the Psalms, but he says something like numerically, there are more Psalms that deal with complaining than than otherwise. There's a reason for that, I think, and I think that acknowledging pain and problem is more true to the Christian experience than the mentality that denies struggles or faces it with glib, fortune-cookie type advice.

What I am encouraged by is true honesty. Someone talking about their struggles is more encouraging to me than what some people call "encouragement" when it's honest and real. In fact, in general, hearing about struggles encourages me a lot. It makes me feel a kinship there, a brotherhood as we both wrestle with faith.

But that second step, the desire for something better, is critical for me. Without it, honesty is worse than not being honest at all. Reason being, people who are "honest" think they're better than those that aren't. Cynics (and a lot of modern philosophers) are like that, I think. They think they're wiser or better than others because they're honest about what's wrong. But they don't go anywhere with it. They either use it to look down on other, more "naive" people or just selfishly wallow in their own thinking.

And that drives me crazy, when people just drown in their own issues, focus on those issues in the name of being "honest" and "real" instead of making any real pursuit of something better, and look down on other people (frequently fellow Christians) for not being similarly cynical. Can't stand it.

So yeah, that's what encourages me. Honesty, and a desire for change, something better. Need both though. Wanting more without being honest doesn't quite do it for me. Nor honesty without a real effort for something different.

A few years ago I started reading this blog that was totally encouraging to me for precisely this reason. It was deeply honest in dealing with the hard stuff of faith, not just cultural Christianity, but the real thing, with all of the associated questions and challenges many of us deal with but don't frequently talk about. And it was expressed in language I could not hope to attain. Which to me is the best kind of writing, words that express how I feel or could feel in a way I cannot say myself.

Somewhere down the line it changed. It never ceased to be honest and raw, but that's all it was. Honest, raw, bitter, and cynical. It's completely random that I'm mentioning this unnamed page, and the point of the page is certainly not to encourage me. But yeah, inside I kind of hope that that old blog, that old page wins out over bitter blog. Random.

Lions sleep 20 hours a day.

Golden Gate Park is larger than Central Park. Neither are among the 10 biggest city parks in the U.S., the largest of which is South Mountain Park in Phoenix.

They didn't have GPAs in those days, but George W. Bush and John Kerry's cumulative grade averages at Yale were about the same.

So as you may or may not know, I love crab and try to eat it a fair bit at the start of each season when they're sweetest. Nothing fancy, just steam a live crab (a process Jieun can't bear to watch; murder she calls it), and eat it with melted butter. Thing is, I think I'm doing something wrong; every time I cook it, a couple legs fall off. Is this normal? It can't be, right? The restaurants boil them live all the time, and the legs are still intact. So no clue quite what I'm doing wrong.

I came to an interesting realization recently. Excepting travel, which is inherently expensive, I've spent more than $400 on an item exactly twice in my life. On Jieun's ring, and on her used Camry. The music related things I have were all less than that. Same with TV and audio equipment. Jieun bought our speakers for me as a gift. My mom and Henry provided our furniture. Computer was a wedding gift. Inherited my car. That's kind of crazy. I clearly have an aversion to buying big ticket items. I just buy a bunch of smaller ticket things.

This came to mind because our new apartment is about 2 blocks away from Pak 'N Save so I've been grocery shopping there and it brings back a lot of memories for me. I doubt many people in this Whole Foods / Trader Joe's generation (of which I am one) know what Pak 'N Save is, but it's this grocery store where, in exchange for lower prices, you bag your own groceries. Hence the name. I thought it'd be crawling with cheap Asians but it seems to be dominated by Latinos, both in clientale and in the products they offer. Huge dried chile selection. Kinda odd.

It brings back memories because growing up, this was my family's primary grocery store. Specifically, the one on Almaden Expressway between Branham and Blossom Hill. There were Safeways and Lucky's that were closer, but we drove a bit to save money. So my sister and I got to be pretty good grocery bag packers. It was actually a fun challenge. They didn't let you double bag, so you had to strike a balance between packing the bags completely (so the back of our Subaru GL wagon wouldn't get too full) and the bags being too heavy and risking rippage. Plus, it was fun playing with the conveyer belt.

Looking back, it's no wonder I'm so cheap now. My family did a lot of things to maximize the dollar. Like going to Pak 'N Save. Extending clothes use. And I don't think we ever really splurged. Our vacations were generally to local places or SoCal. The whole family flew together on a plane exactly once, to Orlando, which coincided with a pastor's conference. We had to hit the side of our TV to get the colors right. Until high school, our VCR had a cabled remote. Good times.

So yeah, I kind of feel sorry for Jieun, because my tendency is to not get nice things. I like it comfortable, but not too nice. Too nice feels like a waste of money, and it's really hard for me to pull that trigger. The problem is, life costs money, and it's unreasonable to expect otherwise. Sophia says I have to grow up. And it's true. I guess I'll start with a plasma TV. Why not.

Yesterday for Eddie's birthday we played basketball in the rented out Monta Vista gym.

Now, I don't typically get upset over my poor basketball play. I suck at basketball, so it's pointless to do that. It's like getting upset that the sun is hot. No point, a waste of time. A corollary: it's also pointless trash talking me in regards to basketball. I will in all likelihood agree with you. I can't imagine that's any fun.

So yeah, I don't normally get upset, but yesterday totally sucked, enough so that it bothered me. It was as sucky as it could get. I made exactly one basket in 2.5 hours. Lost the first two games. Then they switched up teams, traded me for Dong. My new team then proceeded to lose the rest of their games. Now, I'm not a master logician, but the outcome indicates one of two things - the deciding factor was either Dong being really good (no offense, but that's highly unlikely) or me being really bad. Pretty disheartening.

So the true mark of someone's character is how they respond to adversity, so I'm not going to stop playing. But honestly, basketball is like work. I don't really enjoy it; it's not fun for me. Maybe someday I'll get there. But I'm not there yet. Far from it.

Dang, Daniel Dae Kim is buff! A great episode of Lost, which combines two messages I'm passionate about: God's Word, and the fact that Asian men aren't (necessarily) emasculate nerds. Right on.

So Fry's is one of my favorite places on earth. It's a dorky thing to say, but it's true. It's just full of so much possibilities.

Who was it that mentioned this? They said that men like to create things because they are jealous of women and their ability to make babies. Sounds cuckoo but I can kind of see that. I find it fascinating how there's a living, growing thing inside Jieun, and I'm sad that I can only subtly feel the kicks from the outside (which I especially love doing when Jieun's asleep - something about that is surreal) and not experience what she does. So I see that.

But anyway, yeah, I realized I love modding things. Like my XBox. I love adding and replacing things in my computer. Like I just got a 60mm to 70mm adapter and a new CPU fan to quiet my computer. Completely loserish; I love it. I recently found out my cell phone is hackable so I can get web access and put mp3 ringtones on it. Also fun.

So I love Fry's because there are all these modding possibilities. Good times.

One thing drives me crazy about the Sunnyvale store though - the piano player. Or in her absence, her recorded playing. She sucks! She deviates from the music with every song she plays, and in a terrible way, dropping critical melodic lines and leaving unimportant notes. It seriously drives me bonkers. Just play the music as it's written lady, or else improve upon it. No clue what you're doing. Argh.

Though no one cares, here are my philosophies on happiness, all of which I've already written about before but whatever. This blog pretty much cycles through the same topics every 2 years.

It is my strong belief that in regards to certain things in life, if you make those things your primary goal, you will not get them. For example, world peace. A good thing. A great thing. Everyone wants it. But if that becomes the foremost goal of a country, you won't get it. Like Chamberlain's principle of appeasement before WWII. He wanted to pursue peace at all costs, and it didn't happen. Roosevelt was wise enough to realize that the right thing to do wasn't pursue peace at any costs; he did that lend/lease thing which essentially provoked war. Pursue what is right, and you may get peace. But pursue peace on its own terms, and you won't get it.

I feel the same way about personal happiness. If your goal in life is to be happy, you won't achieve it, that's just not how it works. My dad pointed this out, but that's probably a contributing factor to the high rate of divorce in Western society. People desire first and foremost personal happiness from marriage. Which makes it almost certain that they won't get it. Happiness, in marriage and elsewhere, comes as a side effect when you commit to something else, something besides happiness itself.

So to be happy, we shouldn't look to do what makes us happy. We should look to do what is right. And if we're unhappy, trying to do things that make us happy will only make us unhappier. What we really need is a purpose beyond ourselves. That's my opinion.

So in regards to my last entry, I'm not saying I tend to choose things that make me happy. What I'm really saying is that I tend to avoid things I know will likely make me unhappy. Just clarifying something no one cares about.

Last week Jieun and I plowed through 24 Season Three over four days. Totally exhausting, and afterwards we couldn't watch TV for a while.

As you probably know, 24 is awesome. I often hear people say they want to be (like) Jack Bauer. But that actually disturbs me a lot. For a couple reasons. One, his character is the epitome of the mentality that the ends justify the means. And I'm against that. He takes it to a total extreme, so much so, that he's not just morally dubious; he's amoral. You can't say you morally value life and then repeatedly endanger and take the lives of others. He has no morality left, just utilitarianism. How anyone could want to be like someone so amoral is beyond me.

And I'm just philosophically against the idea that the ends justify the means. I've come to believe more and more that in the Christian life, the ends *are* the means. In God's eyes, it's not about what we accomplish. It's about how we do it. I've been reading through Kings and Chronicles recently and this theme comes up repeatedly; kings are judged not based on what they achieve but on where their hearts are. Anyway, I just can't accept the ends justifying the means thing. I think it's un-Christian.

The other thing that disturbs me about people wanting to be like Jack Bauer is just, well, he's so clearly unhappy. And I guess this gets to a question of fundamental priorities. Would you rather be great or happy? Because they are frequently at odds. Clearly so in Jack Bauer's life. He's a total stud, but he's personally a broken man, with destroyed relationships and no real happiness to speak of. I read a lot about great figures in history and they are often unhappy as well. Their greatness comes at a cost. Sometimes it's the sacrifice of relationships in the pursuit of their ambitions. Sometimes pain is just a side effect of their genius. But regardless, great people are frequently unhappy, and their unhappiness is related to their greatness.

So which would you rather be? For me, I dunno, the world may need Jack Bauers, but I'd rather be happy. Maybe that's selfish, but yeah; in my life, when forced to choose between achieving something or something that will bring me true (Christian) joy, I'll always choose the second. So I love the show. But you'll never hear me say I want to be Jack Bauer. I rather pity him.

Not that anyone in the galaxy cares.

About a week or so before Halloween, I found myself at the cosmetics section of the Sunnyvale Macy's (don't ask) and noticed that they had holiday-esque decorations up. It was festive, but generic enough that I wasn't positive that they were special Christmas decorations as opposed to just being the normal setup. So I asked, and they confirmed that they had just put them up a few days prior.

I dunno, that made me angry. It wasn't even Halloween yet and they have Christmas decorations up? Rage. The reason it makes me angry is I just feel like it's crass marketing. Dong is of the mind that the holiday season is so festive, why not extend it? And I jive with that. But that's not the stores' motivation. At least, not their primary one. They just want to extend the period in which people psychologically are compelled to buy stuff. And I dunno, that just makes me angry.

I think in general, I get bothered when people go through holidays without taking the time to think about the meaning of the holiday. And I mean all holidays. Christmas, of course, is particularly galling given the rampant commercialization of it. It seems like tons of people, even Christians, can spend the majority of the Christmas season worrying about getting gifts, or just thinking about general holiday cheer, and not Jesus. But Thanksgiving is the same. Maybe I'm alone on this, but the point of Thanksgiving is to be thankful. So we should not worry so much about turkey and food and whatever and make sure we have a dedicated, deliberate time where we think about what we're thankful for, right? Are you with me? But who does that. The thankful part is cursory or ignored, and it's mostly about other things, which aren't necessarily bad, just missing the point somewhat, I think.

But yeah, I have issues, so what do I know. I do think something my sister's pastor does is pretty cool. They don't exchange gifts on Christmas, because Christmas is about Jesus. What they do is exchange gifts on Thanksgiving, because that's a time when we give thanks and appreciate each other. I dig that a lot, since it matches appropriate actions with the holiday. Not that I'm going to do it.

As usual we went to my great-uncle's place for Thanksgiving dinner, as we have since I was a little kid. I've mentioned this before but I'll say it again. My family's kind of unusual because on both my mom and dad's side, we have relatives a generation above my parents that married Caucasians. So there's always been a lot of that influence in my family. Most notably and unusually for a Korean family, I think, we've always had a traditional American Thanksgiving for as long as I can remember. No rice involved. I've always liked that.

The most memorable Thanksgiving there for me was the first one I went to after my parents moved to Texas. All my life I had sat in the other room, at the kids table, surreptitiously feeding Fuzzy, their dog, who had the most pathetic, mournful begging face I'd ever seen on a dog. All of a sudden I was at the adults table, and it was completely jarring. Totally emotionally disorienting, and I don't quite know how to explain it. I'm not even joking, I think that was one of the fundamental events that made me realize I'm not a kid anymore and I have to grow up. I'm fairly certain I started shaving more regularly after that night. One of those paradigm shifting nights.

Anyway, my great-uncle frequently talks about the past. The stories are crazy, involving war, death, interrogation, Communists. I love hearing about it because my family in general doesn't talk about Korea all that much; there's too much pain there. I find that aspect of our parents generation fascinating. Every single one has stories of pain and suffering, without exception. And because of that, I think they'll have a perspective I'll never be able to understand. Like, it fascinates me how, when my parents generation goes on missions to poorer places, it reminds them of their childhood. That's something our generation can't relate to at all.

Anyway. So Jieun's parents came up to visit for a day, and we went to Za Zang on Stevens Creek, the place that bizarrely serves Jja Jjang Myun and pizza, and of course, for the love of the game, we got both. This place advertises as serving, I don't quite know how to translate it, but old-time Jja Jjang Myun. Jieun's dad says it reminds his generation of their youth. And since we had just talked about the pain his generation went through in Korea, Jieun decided to ask about it, for some reason in English, which led to this exchange:

Jieun: Dad, do you have pain?

Jieun's Dad: No. I have gout.

That killed me.

This is lame, but whatevers.

You scored as Neo, the "One". Neo is the computer hacker-turned-Messiah of the Matrix. He leads a small group of human rebels against the technology that controls them. Neo doubts his ability to lead but doesn't want to disappoint his friends. His goal is for a world where all men know the Truth and are free from the bonds of the Matrix. Neo, the "One" 71% William Wallace 67% Indiana Jones 63% Batman, the Dark Knight 58% Maximus 54% The Amazing Spider-Man 46% Lara Croft 46% Captain Jack Sparrow 42% James Bond, Agent 007 38% El Zorro 33% The Terminator 29% Which Action Hero Would You Be? v. 2.0 created with QuizFarm.com

Maybe someone else with more education can verify or dispute this, but I just read something fascinating. In early Hebrew, there were no numbers, so they used letter combinations to represent numbers (same with early Greek). So words can have numerical values. Some interesting things with this: the numerical value of the Hebrew word for "ladder" is the same as that for "Sinai". So maybe there's a parallel between Jacob's ladder to heaven and the Ten Commandments from Sinai, another ladder to heaven.

Also, the word for pregnancy in Hebrew has the numerical value 271, which is the number of days in a normal pregnancy. Fascinating.

Anyway, does anyone out there have Verizon? We do, and I'm trying to figure out who's in our network. Free in-network calls and all that.

Following up a boring holy entry with a boring political entry.

First of all, I pretty much hate W and the current Republican controlled Congress. I mentioned Zakaria's scathing indictment of both a while ago. I was more shocked when George Freaking Will wrote a similarly harsh criticism of both in Newsweek, from a conservative perspective. And I completely agree. The President and Congress are Republicans, but they're not acting like conservatives. Massive spending increases, massive deficits, bills loaded with pork, a refusal to responsibly use the veto. It's ridiculous, and I can't wait until 2008, when I personally hope McCain wins, since he at least appears to have political principles.

I kind of dislike living in the California and the Bay Area in particular because everyone here is an idiot. I'm talking politically here. I actually try to be a good citizen and vote in every single election, even the obscure local ones (which are actually more exciting for me, because my vote might actually mean something). But the things I vote for nearly never win so it's a hopeless Sisyphusian thing. Sucks.

I'm particularly sad that all the Propositions I voted for lost in the most recent election. I'm actually enraged. I have no idea who would be against putting redistricting in the hands of independent retired judges rather than the legislators themselves. It's really quite simple: would it be better, would it be right? The answer to both of those is yes. It's mind boggling to me that anyone, much less most people, would vote against that. The power of political ads.

I feel much less strongly about this, but I voted for the teacher tenure thing also, extended the pretenure period from 2 to 5 years. Partly because I've heard all these horror stories from teachers of terrible teachers who can't be fired because of the tenure thing. The other thing is, everyone talks about how terrible things will get if we change the tenure system. The thing is, Jieun isn't under that system. And her school works fine. They recruit and keep good teachers. They pay even less than public school. And there's no tenure system. What's so terrible about it? But yeah, this one I'm a lot more ambivalent about.

Like I said, many people in California are political idiots. The quality of everything in California is going down and has been for a long time, and no one takes a step back to think why that is. Everyone, particularly the unions, just grabs the most they can for themselves, to the detriment of the state as a whole. Sucks.

Anyway, I'm fascinated to see what happens in CA with this whole tax reform thing, especially the proposals on mortgage tax deductions. If you haven't heard, they propose limiting the amount eligible for a deduction from the current amount (which I think is up to $1 million and absurdly includes 2 homes) to a geographically adjusted lower value, and changing it from a deduction to a tax credit. The reason being, it currently favors the rich too much. It helps them buy massive homes and they get a greater deduction for it, since they're in higher tax brackets. I think it's totally unfair, and, if you read about it, it's not what the writers of the laws intended.

The reason I'm interested in seeing what happens is because you know, CA is a liberal state, and liberals do a lot of talking about caring about the poor. I'm not saying it's not genuine. But let's see how people feel about it when it really hits their bank accounts. These proposals would most hurt rich homeowners in pricy real estate areas like CA. But it is an unfair system. So will liberal CA support what's right? Or just do the greedy thing? We'll see.

I of course am rooting for the tax changes because it will almost certainly hasten the coming deflation in CA housing prices. But whatever.

Wow, I alienated as many of my readers as Dave using 2 fewer topics! I win!

Random fact: a huge number (maybe 1/3) of all close door buttons in elevators do absolutely nothing. They're not even hooked up.

I thought the sermon on Sunday was absolutely fascinating. The theme was grace, one point being that God's "curses" from the Fall in Genesis 3 actually demonstrate grace. For one, it foreshadows Jesus. Additionally, God sets it up that we cannot be satisfied by things we might treasure on earth, so that we're forced to find rest only in Him. For women, that might be identity as a mother or wife. For men, it might be work. So God "curses" those things that we might only find satisfaction in Him.

Fascinating. I totally jive with that also. One of my mantras is the Buddhist idea that life is suffering, and that we cannot be truly content in this world. So if we're unsatisfied or unsettled, that should be no surprise. It's an indication of something, that we can't get what we want here. Anyway. Highly recommend the sermon, although the latest sermon on the website is from July so I wouldn't hold my breath.

So I've been on this Scripture reading schedule that Ted suggested for a few months now and I'm realizing that the discipline of Scripture reading is truly a discipline. A lot of times I have to force myself to do it when I'd rather play (another) game of FreeCell. I think someone in our small group said this, but loving God or loving the Word is a lot like loving your spouse. You most clearly demonstrate your love by your commitment. So yeah, I'm trying to learn to love the Word through that daily commitment.

Anyway, Carson had a fascinating commentary a few weeks back on why love is the "greatest" compared to faith and hope. I never sat down and really thought about that, and Paul doesn't exactly explain it. But Carson's theory is, love is the greatest of the three because it's the one quality God Himself has. I thought that was really interesting.

I rather enjoy his commentary. It's not as perspective shattering as Chambers, but pretty good, not too heavy, not too light, wise, and focused on love. I just cannot get over his moustache. I use the back cover flap as a bookmark, so his (apparently Quebecois) facial hair stares at me daily, and quite honestly freaks me out. I've got issues.

I frequently sing songs in my head any time I hear rhythm, and I don't always realize it until I catch myself. Like, the song in my head that goes off most often in recent days when I use the blinkers in Jieun's car is I Want It That Way by the Backstreet Boys. When I walk, recently it's been Hold On by Wilson Phillips, which gives you some indication of how fast I walk. To the bedroom clock, it's the worship song We Are Hungry.

Random.

I don't think the reason why men like sports is competition. I grew up with a sister, I have a wife, and I believe fairly strongly that women are as competitive as men. But their competitiveness is different. Like with many things, women do things more indirectly.

So like with conversation, men are fairly direct about things. We say what we mean. We're blunt. Women are about indirect conversation. Like Jieun constantly wants me to understand what she's saying beyond her words. Stuff like body language, or other cues that quite frankly, I can't pick up on at all. I'm body language illiterate. She literally wants me to understand things without her having to verbalize them precisely. And that's how many women are, I think. A large part of their communication is indirect.

I think the same applies to their sense of competition. Men like direct competition. So we like it when there are clear rules and a clear winner and loser, like in sports. Women are just as competitive, but they're more subversive about it. Maybe they don't want to directly hurt feelings by actually declaring a loser or something, I dunno. They definitely do compete. But yeah, I just find that the way women compete is more subtle, indirect. I think that's how they prefer it.

That also explains (at least to me) why sports that involve more subjectivity and judging, like gymnastics, figure skating, and diving, are more popular among women than men. It might still be direct competition, but there's subjectivity to it. Whereas men like it less because it doesn't have clear, precise rules. But maybe I'm wrong about this.

These are, of course, complete (over)generalizations. But I do believe that men like sports more not because they like competition more, but because they like direct competition more. That's my theory.

I had a fairly major epiphany recently: I don't like baseball. I just don't. It's boring. Dong was surprised by this, saying how it's so statistical he'd think I'd be all into that (which incidentally, is an indirect way of saying I'm a nerd. Which incidentally, is a compliment in Silicon Valley).

And that's my beef with it. The things that might be interesting to me about baseball are incidental. Like the stats. Or the ballpark atmosphere, which I do like, but that has nothing to do with the game itself. The game on its own terms, I'm sorry, but it's boring to me. Long periods of boredom punctuated by brief periods of action, which, compared to other sports, aren't even that athletic.

On the other hand, football and basketball, sports I love, are (to me) inherently exciting. Beautiful displays of athleticism and constant motion. Two things that aren't really seen in baseball.

So yeah, no more baseball for me, including fantasy baseball. And it's a very freeing feeling.

No one "tagged" me since xanga users typically don't read this page, but whatever, I'm doing it anyway.

10 years ago: I was a sophomore in college, sharing a 1 room double with Eli. I was still pre-med at the time; what a colossal waste of time. I can't remember if I was still saying I had the gift of celibacy, but it was right around the tail end of that. I was just starting to feel comfortable at the church I was going to. I had not been used to hanging out with so many L.A. Koreans before. They're great people, just takes some getting used to. The biggest thing is, and I've mentioned this before, but yeah, you pretend that you're good friends before you actually are. Maybe that's not exclusively an L.A. Korean thing, in fact, it's almost certainly not, but yeah, that took me a while to get used to.

5 years ago: I was working in my first real job, poorly timed at the end of the tech bubble. I wish I knew then what I knew now in terms of jobs. Like, I think I should have worked for a big company first, then gone to a startup. I would have learned more, and it's really all about what you can learn. The advantage of a startup I guess is you can get a broader range of experience, but that didn't happen at my company. I should have left way earlier than I did. At least now I know when to leave. Live and learn.

1 year ago: Started working at my current employer, realized how sucky my previous work experience was. Other than that, life was pretty much the same as now in terms of family life and church involvement.

Yesterday: Played in a work poker tournament that included, among others, a cofounder of the company. Made the last table but out of the money. That's the story of my poker life. Better than average but can't get over the hump. Oh well. Also, yesterday Jieun hosted 3 women for the night. Egad. Estrogen overload.

5 snacks I enjoy: I'm not a snack person. I'm just generally against empty calories. I know they add up, and it's so simple to eliminate, so why not do it? So don't drink soda, don't snack much, no coffee drinks, no bubble tea anymore. Saves money too.

However, there are certain snacks I enjoy from time to time. Including Snyder's of Hanover's Honey Mustard and Onion Pretzel Bits (more addictive than crack), Chile Picante Corn Nuts (which I ate almost daily in junior high), Hi-Chew fruit chews (the best fruit chew candy on the planet), Willy Wonka Bottlecaps, and cheese.

5 songs I know all the words to: Jesus Is Still Alright by DC Talk, The Sign by Ace of Base, Desperado by The Eagles, Save The Best For Last by Vanessa Williams, You Be Illin' by Run-DMC.

5 places I would run away to: I'm against running from anything. But if I had to, and limiting to North America, I'd probably rank it Vancouver, New York, Montreal, Toronto, Yosemite. Definitely not L.A. or Chicago. Kinda weirdo Canadian bent, huh? Love that place.

5 things I would do with a million dollars: See, I'm against this question. I just find it uninteresting, because most of the material things I want, I can already have, and if I really wanted to dream, then a million dollars wouldn't be enough. So I guess I'd buy a house and invest the rest. Pretty boring. But I'd like to think my life wouldn't change fundamentally regardless of whether the money I made went up or down. Maybe I'm naive.

5 things I would never wear: I won't be boring and list ridiculous, obvious stuff like hotpants, and instead list things that are somewhat normal but I'm not into. #1: wife-beaters. I just don't get the point. Undershirts should provide sweat protection. Else why wear them? Someone explain this to me. #2: leather sandals. They seem to be the hip in thing, but I see them and think, foot odor. Can't do it. #3: short athletic socks, the ones that almost make it look like you're not wearing socks at all. Again, this seems in, but it makes me feel naked. #4: A bolo tie. I mention this only because I think I wore one (or planned to) at my 8th grade graduation dance. My sister ridiculed me about this, and rightly so. No clue what I was thinking. #5: Facial hair. Not by choice. I'm simply unable to grow any.

5 favorite TV shows: Just that are currently showing, Survivor, Alias, Veronica Mars, Lost, and Desperate Housewives.

5 bad habits: Slouching, picking at my nose, picking my fingernails, grinding my teeth, peeing in the shower. I've said too much.

5 greatest joys: Mixing specific and general, the first ultrasound, wedding day, listening to a really good song on repeat for hours, learning something new, eating something really tasty.

5 favorite toys: #1 my XBox, which has changed the lives of both me and Jieun. We use it pretty much every day, and never for games. #2 my Tivo, which has had almost as profound an impact. #3 my 5% filled iPod. #4 I guess our digital camera, kinda stretching here. #5 a toy Veritech I got in a Robotech Remastered boxset.

5 fictional characters I would date: Obviously, this doesn't apply since I can't even imagine dating again. I think sugarshock did something like this once, like 5 people she'd have coffee with because they're interesting. I'll do the same, but limit to females for no particular reason: Veronica Mars, Donna Reed's character in It's A Wonderful Life, the Princess from Gummi Bears (yes, a cartoon)... I dunno, can't come up with anything else.

My theory on the cause of financial bubbles. Boring.

As you know, the Bay Area is currently suffering from significantly overpriced housing, a housing bubble. I'm not even going to argue this point. Just read the series the Merc ran all last week, or the Economist, or what Greenspan's been saying the past couple months, or what even the head of Freddie Mac has been saying about the coming downturn. But whatever.

What I find strange is how this bubble has come right on the heels of the stock market bubble of the late 90s. You'd think people would learn their lesson - when prices completely disconnect from fundamentals, chaos eventually ensues. You remember what they said during the stock bubble. It's a new economy. No one even cared about profitability, which makes zero sense whatsoever. The market was in a new era of constant high returns.

Same thing's happening with housing in the Bay Area. Complete disconnect from fundamentals. SN. Some people say fundamentals actually explain the rise in prices. Population growth and low interest rates. Unfortunately, that's completely wrong in the Bay Area. In the past 5 years, the population has actually declined, as have the number of jobs. Salaries, constant. And housing prices have doubled? Makes no sense. Can't be attributable to interest rates, either, since the majority of buyers are using interest only loans, or option ARMs, or other weirdo stuff. You would not need those exotic loans if low interest rates were acting as an enabler. But yeah, it's the same mentality. Ignoring fundamentals. Believing we're in an era of a permanently new high prices.

Anyway, I have a theory as to what causes these bubbles: information. Information is generally a good thing. Freakonomics mentioned something that happened in the life insurance industry a few years ago, where rates dropped virtually overnight. The cause was the Internet. Now people could search and compare different offerings, and it forced everyone to lower their rates in order to compete. When lots of people have access to information that used to be in the hands of just a few, the consumer generally wins.

But I do think there's a downside to the immediate availability of information: a speculative, herd mentality that leads to bubbles. I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but there was this fascinating study done where they had people play this game that mimicked a market like the stock market. That is, they could trade shares of pretend commodities, and at the end of a time period, they received a reward based on the values of those commodities and how many shares of them they owned.

The fascinating thing about this experiment was, the information was perfect. Meaning, everyone knew exactly how much the commodities would be worth at the end, something like that, so there should be zero fluctuation in the share prices. Despite this, bubbles still developed. Shares started trading above their known value, and as they continued to go up, people continued to bid up the price to get in on the momentum. When asked afterwards why they did this, when they knew with certainty that the shares were overpriced, people who got burned all said the same thing, that they thought they could get out before it started to go bad.

This totally fascinated me. A system where everyone has perfect information, and bubbles still formed. Anyway, I think that's what's been happening now. Starting a few years ago, people were able to track and trade stocks essentially in real time. Everyone knew at any moment what was happening in the market. The more information they had, the more momentum the saw, the more they wanted to get in. With housing, it's a relatively recent phenomenon of e.g. newspapers posting specific sale prices and median values in different areas. Before, people only had a vague idea how much their house was worth. Now, with the immediate availability of information, they know exactly how much their neighbor's house went for. The more people see how much prices are going up, the more they want to get in before it's "too late".

Anyway, that's my theory. People have unprecedented access to information, and aren't necessarily rational or knowledgeable about what they do about it. So whenever there's upward momentum in anything, people immediately know about it, and a herd mentality kicks in, where they want to get in on it while they still can, fundamentals be darned. So in my opinion, we're entering an age where we're going to see repeated bubbles all over the place. And that's my theory.

Some random notes.

The spam musubi at Da Hukilau is significantly better than at J&J's. Not sure why all these Hawaiian places are opening up recently but I'm in favor.

I've never been accused me of being on the cutting edge. In fact, I like being just slightly behind the cutting edge. Partly because you get good deals that way. For example, Canon just came out with their SDx50 series. Which means there are currently great deals on the previous series, including the SD300, which we just got from Dell for an amazing price. It pays to be just behind the cutting edge.

Anyway, I mention this because I just started watching the first season of Desperate Housewives, and I'm starting to understand the hype. In particular, the episode I just saw (#8) is among the very best hours of TV I've ever seen. Wow. There's just so much truth in it I was blown away. Of course, it's secular, so it only goes halfway, pointing out issues, and me with my Christian lens keep thinking the other half, that people need Jesus. So it's frustrating and depressing in that sense.

Incidentally, it's no secret why everyone is so cynical nowadays. There are tons of people smart enough to point out all the problems in modern society. But there are few people wise enough to understand the fundamental solution, which is Christ. Given the knowledge of problems without any solution, the only possible result is cynicism. That's what frustrated me most about my philosophy classes. All everyone does is point out problems. One class centered around just 3 big philosophical problems. Many argue that the problems are more important than the solutions. Which may be intellectually interesting, but what a sucky way to live. Just knowing problems, not even having hope for a solution.

Whoa, digression. So yeah, like I said, amazing episode, so much truth in it. There's this incredible scene where a mother of four just breaks down, can't take it anymore, is just tired of feeling like a failure. As a working person people used to look up to her, but now she can only feel like she's not good enough. And her friends tell her, they felt totally overwhelmed, just like her, when they were raising their kids. She asks, why didn't ever they tell her? And they say, because no one likes to say how they feel like a failure. But they probably should have. And she says, yes, it helps. It helps.

I dunno, that was so moving to me, maybe partly because we just had a Bible study tonight on authentic fellowship, and yeah, that's what people really need. True fellowship. Knowing that they aren't alone, that other people have gone through the same thing, support. I dunno.

There was another amazing scene where a priest asks a woman, don't you want to be good? And she responds, I want to be happy. And he replies, that's the response of a child. And she says, I know. So much insight in this exchange. It's basically a commentary on modern America. People don't want to be good. All they care about is making themselves happy. Which is essentially childish. And people know that, and don't care. It's so true. And again, frustrating as a Christian to watch because it goes only halfway, and the fundamental problem with making happiness a goal is, there is no lasting joy outside of Jesus. But anyway.

There were also great scenes involving guilt and our response to it and the basic amorality of this generation. I dunno, it's utterly fascinating.