Freshman year Dave was in my room, I think we were studying for Music In America. Music 5A. This class is the reason I know David Hong. And I tell you, it was a great class. I thoroughly enjoyed it. Anyway, we were studying for it. I was being a dork, and honestly trying to get an A+, so I was memorizing every definition word for word. Dave could not believe how dorky I was. I can scarce believe it myself, sometimes.

Anyway, in the course of “studying” I say, hey Dave, let me take a picture of you. So he says okay and just sits there at my desk. Okay, if you ever look at a picture of David from freshman year, in every single picture, he’s pretty much making a donkey of himself. Seriously, it’s absurd, but he had a pathological aversion to posing normally in a photograph. Knowing this, I was kind of surprised at how he was just sitting there.

So I say to him, “Dave, you can’t just sit there. I’ve never seen a normal picture of you.”

And he says, “What do you want me to do, take off my clothes?”

And I think for a second, and I go, “Sure.”

And he says: “OK.”

So I turn around, and he’s taking off his clothes. By the way, this whole time, I’m praying to God that my roommate Ryan Medders doesn’t walk in and find Dave stripping (or stripped) and me waiting with a camera in my hand. He thought I was weird enough already.

At any rate, he tells me to turn around and he’s posed in the position where you guard your privates with your hands. You know what I’m talking about? And I’m laughing and I take a picture, and then, I don’t know what comes over me, it was some sort of spirit, who knows whether good or evil, but I yell at him, “Turn around! Turn around!”

So he turns around and sticks his butt out at me. I’m talking a full on moon, I think his cheeks were slightly spread and I really think there was a high probability you could see the hanging gardens of Babylon as well. It was pretty disgusting, to be quite honest.

Anyway, I take that back picture and then turn back around and then he gets dressed, and by this time, we’re just dying laughing because it’s just absurd what we’re doing. And here’s the weird thing. For some reason, I don’t know, maybe it’s just the energy, but I feel like I need to tell someone about what we did. And so we go out and tell a couple girls who lived in our dorm, Grace Hsiao and Lorraine Shih about what we did.

I still remember, you know, I was pretty excited about it, for whatever reason, and I just thought it was really funny, funny enough that I needed to tell someone about it. So I go in there, pretty excited and go, something like “Hey guess what? I just took pictures of David naked!”

Anyway, their faces at this point reflected quite a few emotions, but interest or amusement were not among them. It was one of those frequent moments in my life where I realized, “Oops.” The oops here was the realization that I guess what we did isn’t really funny. Gosh, when I think about it, I’ve really done a lot of weird things to Lorraine. I love it. Every single time, she gives me this look on her face like, “Are you for real? Do I need to call the authorities?” It’s actually surprising how many times I’ve gotten that look from her.

Anyway, they weren’t amused. After we stopped laughing, I started thinking about it, and I got a little scared. I was just afraid that if I ever developed the pictures, I’d get arrested or something. Like I said, I wasn’t sure if you could see any stuff hanging behind his bare spread butt, I mean, it all happened so fast. If there was, I mean, is there a law against stuff like this? Maybe.

At any rate, we decided not to develop the pictures, unfortunately. But it was a great memory.

Anyway, you might notice a theme. You know, Dave and I went through it, it’s a great memory. Spring Break junior year (or was it senior year?) a bunch of us, at my prodding, take pictures in the snow topless (we were all male). Again, a wonderful bonding memory. This year, I really feel I have gotten to know David and Henry better. I have also seen both of their bare buttocks in all their pimply glory.

This is not all a coincidence. The key to good memories in college is male nudity. If you remember just one thing in your life, remember this. Male nudity. MALE NUDITY. MALE NUDITY

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