I know the j bulletin b is supposed to comment on jack.html pages, and not the reverse, but oh well. I just wanted to comment on some of my recent Keith Lee slams because I didn’t think anyone would get it at all. Well, some people would get everything, but some wouldn’t get anything.

“For Holloween, Keith distributed machetes, scissors, and needles, and Raisinets with a picture of a rabbit on the box.” Uh, not sure if people picked up on it. But, what I’m implying is that Raisinets are actually rabbit droppings.

“Keith breeds huge cultures of bovine spongiform encephalitis because it ‘tastes like chicken’.” Bovine Spongiform Encephalitis is the dreaded Mad Cow Disease that’s striking Europe.

“Keith shot J.R.” For you younger readers, this comes from the 80s TV show Dallas which had this season ending cliffhanger called, “Who shot J.R.?” You probably know this, but just in case.

“Keith repeatedly went to see The Sixth Sense in the theaters, and during the opening credits, kept shouting the secret to the movie: ‘The boy dies at the end! He’s a Christ figure!'” The joke is, I’m giving away the ending to a movie, just not the Sixth Sense.

“Keith heads the powerful Croatian frog-leg cartel. Only he and 3 others know the true circumstances surrounding Roy Fokker’s death.” According to Harper’s, Croatia is the leading importer of U.S. frog legs. I think. Anyway, I’m not making the frog-leg thing up. Roy Fokker is Rick Hunter’s mentor in Robotech.

“Late last May, Keith held a huge campus-wide barbecue at Synergy where he roasted whole cows, pigs, and dolphins, deeply offending the residents there.” Synergy is the Stanford dorm that only serves vegan/vegetarian food.

“Keith was asked to be a witness when award winning race horse Secretariat was put to sleep. He came – bringing a fork, knife, and Jello mold.” Gelatin supposedly contains horse products.

“Keith, in a weak attempt to lower my morale, removed the testicles of my prize-winning fish, yelling, ‘In the name of L. Ron Hubbard, I Dianeuter you!'” L. Ron Hubbard started the Scientologists, I think. Anyway, a lot of his views are found in his book “Dianetics”.

“Angry at the Nobel Foundation for selecting Kim Dae Jung and Pearl S. Buck, Keith set up his own foundation to award his own prizes: the Lee War Prize, the Lee Torture Prize, and the Lee Press-On Nails Prize.” Pearl S. Buck won the Nobel Prize for literature in 1938. Her most famous book is called “The Good Earth”. A lot of critics think she’s a not very good author, or at least not worthy of the Nobel Prize. Lee Press-On Nails are a common parting gift given to contestants on game shows produced by Merv Griffin Enterprises.

“Keith volunteered to dress up as Santa Claus at local malls this year. Big mistake. As each child sat on his lap, he would whisper to them, ‘Sorry kid, your eyes aren’t slanty enough. You must have been bad this year. No present for you. Maybe in a couple years. Or not. Tee hee. :9′” Tee hee :9 was a common phrase used by Clara Kim back in the days of the Clarafan / anti-Chai wars.

Random explanation of things people already know. Sorry.

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