I distinctly remember random revelations in my life.

One was the realization that I sweat from my underarms. Happened in junior high. One afternoon after school I was playing basketball and not sure why but I kept my jacket on. It might have been a windy day. Anyway, when I got home, I took my jacket off and there were huge sweat stains on my colored shirt spreading from my pits. Pretty gross. But I distinctly remember how shocked I was, seeing that I sweat from my armpits, and how copious it was.

Another random realization was sophomore year. Positive I’ve written about this. But anyway, I was lying in bed, maybe talking to Eli, with my hands behind my head, and I detected this distinct pungent odor. And I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from until I sniffed my armpits, and at that moment, I realized I had B.O.

You don’t understand how shocking that was. I dunno, maybe this is racist, but Orientals tend to not really smell too bad. I certainly didn’t smell, or at least I didn’t think I did. So yeah, up until that point, I had never used deodorant. To be honest, I still don’t all the time, but I recognize that there are times when I need it. Anyway, yeah, it was a shocking revelation.

Not sure why I writing this. I think I was thinking about the purpose of wife-beaters. I don’t understand why anyone would wear a wife-beater. Just, and maybe this is just me, but I wear undershirts for 2 reasons. One, and this goes back to my skinny thing, but it adds just a bit more mass. But more importantly, it provides sweat stain control. This is key with dress shirts. Armpit sweat stains are just gross. I remember seeing Mark McGwire at an A’s rally a long time ago, wearing a short sleeve dress shirt and at the end of his speech he raised his hands saying we’re number one and revealed these massive sweat stains. Repulsive, I say.

So yeah, undershirts are a tradeoff, because it makes you hotter, but it provides sweat stain protection. And that’s key to me, which is why I wear T-shirt type undershirts. And that’s why I don’t understand the wife beater thing. It’s like the worst of both worlds. It makes you hotter and doesn’t provide sweat stain control. So what’s the point? I don’t get it.

Speaking of which, I’m against tank tops at the gym. I dunno, it’s not like I expect people to smell good while working out, but if you smell bad, you don’t need to celebrate it. I was working out the other day and this guy next to me was doing lat pulldowns, which involves reaching up and pulling down, so you fully expose your armpits. Anyway, this guy was wearing a tanktop and emitting the most rank odor. I’m not joking, he should be used as a weapon in Afghanistan. Just send him into the caves, and have him do some lat pulldowns. Deadly. So yeah, wear a shirt; try to mask it at least a little.

Another thing I don’t understand: why we have hair around our anuses. Er, at least I do. Oops, maybe I’ve revealed too much. That was actually another revelation. One time I wiped and there was a hair there and only one logical conclusion. But anyway, yeah, hair in the nose and ears I get. You want to keep dirt and dust from getting in. But hair down there? Is there something you want to keep from getting out? I dunno, it’s just weird, is all.

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