Random entry. I hope it’s OK to write about this. Since it’s public on the web, I think it is, but whatever. So I kind of hate to admit it, but I’ve become a Scott Kim groupie. Or, at least of his web page. I doubt he reads this page or ever will, but yeah, I find it really encouraging.

I’d say I’ve talked to Scott a total of 2 hours in my life. Interacted with him on exactly 2 occasions. Once was at Lyon’s, which is where I heard him do The Promise echo thingy. The other time was the Stanford Harvard Trivial Pursuit game. Incidentally, I believe the phrase he used was involved fetching, not sitting, something like “I would say that fetching is a fairly instinctual act.” Impeccable English, but completely bizarro.

I also heard a little about him from David Park. I only remember two of the things Dave said about him. Or maybe three. One, that Scott was this Christian guy who had no qualms about praying for Dave publicly in the dining commons. Two, that he was brilliant. And three, that he was super whitewashed. He apparently took Korean and got As and was academically proficient, but he sounded like a total honky. So yeah, that’s what I heard about Scott.

Uh, that isn’t relevant at all. So yeah, dunno why but I started reading his web page, and it’s weird and everything, but I find it highly encouraging. Especially recently. I guess he’s going through a hard time with residency and whatever. And one thing he’s been doing is wrestling, almost arguing with God on his page. And, strange as it may seem, I find that highly encouraging.

I think for the same reason I find The Apostle, that movie with Robert Duvall, encouraging. I think it takes faith and courage to argue with God. Quite honestly, I don’t think I’m spiritually mature enough, or at least I don’t have enough faith, to do that. So it challenges me.

Sometimes I feel like Christians ignore what life and faith is really like. So that in Christianity, there’s no room for struggle and doubt. Maybe there’s persecution for the faith. But struggling with God, fighting with God – that’s viewed as being weakness.

I dunno, maybe it is weakness. But it’s something all Christians go through. I think the Scriptures bear this out. In Paul’s epistles, he confronts people with some pretty horrendous sins. And yet he’s always addressing a church. Even from the beginning, real struggle with sins has been a part of the Christian experience. And although I can’t cite Scripture for it right now (besides maybe 1 John 5:13), I think doubt has been a part of the Christian experience from the beginning also.

I’m not really sure what I’m saying. It’s kind of this. We did this study on Daniel 2 last week and the topic came up of how people react to both crisis and victory. Because that kind of reveals the measure of your faith. That’s why the last season of Survivor impressed me. Yeah, Sean was lazy, but in victory the first thing he says is “I can do all things through Christ!” to no one in particular. When it’s that spontaneous, there has to be some sincerity there. Anyway, yeah, Daniel, when confronted with crisis, the first thing he does is go to God, pleading for mercy. And when given victory, again, the first thing he does is go to God, this time in thanksgiving.

What I realized is I do the opposite, and in so doing, implicitly deny God. When I’m confronted with a crisis, my first reaction is to figure out how I’m going to deal with it. And when something good happens, my first reaction is just self-centered jubilation. Maybe later in my prayers if I remember to thank God for stuff I might include that. But it’s rare when thanks to God is my first reaction.

The same goes for struggles with God. There are lots of times when I don’t feel like God is near. Or doubt His goodness. Or other things. And I typically react in one of two ways. Either just try to ignore it, since it doesn’t fit in how Christianity is “supposed” to be, or just try to resolve things on my own. But either way, I deal with it myself, implicitly denying God.

What I admire about Scott on his page is that he doesn’t do that. I don’t think he goes through any more or less struggles with God than I do. The difference between us is that he has both the faith and courage to go straight to God with it. I don’t. Maybe I’m afraid of screwing up my conception of what God’s supposed to be like. Maybe I’m afraid that when I go to Him, He won’t be there. But in any case, when Scott’s encounters struggle, he confronts God. I sweep things under the rug.

I pray that someday I’ll have the faith to be able to come to God with everything, including my struggles about who and where He is. Instead of implicitly denying him by doing everything myself. Someday. But yeah, that’s something I see in Scott’s page and it challenges and encourages me. So yeah, I’m a Scott Kim groupie.

Random, huh? Anyway, next time, road trip day 1. For the love of the game.

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