You know, I feel like I need to qualify myself when I whine about feeling unsatisfied and whatever. It’s not that I’m unhappy. It’s that I feel unfulfilled. There’s a big difference to me. I dunno, I’ve said this countless times, but I think if I weren’t a Christian I would have killed myself. I’m not even joking about this. I’ve spent time thinking about what the best way to go would be.
But I am Christian, and I know for myself at least there’s a huge difference between how my life is with Christ and how it would be without Christ. I do have an underlying fundamental hope and joy. And that’s a big deal to me. I think I’m at a place now where the struggles I go through aren’t about being unhappy but about wanting to serve God more. Is that bold? I dunno, it’s what I think. So I’ve got the joy. I just want to live out what I believe more.
I dunno, I feel like it warrants mentioning because I firmly believe that there is a fundamental difference between Christians and non-Christians and I don’t want my meanderings to give the idea that I’m as hopeless or unsatisfied as a non-Christian. It’s a fundamentally different thing. I dunno.