Henry asked me to list some things I’ve learned about marriage. I’ll just list one. Something my pastor told me.

Intimacy leads to conflict. And conflict, well handled, leads to more intimacy. So marital conflict, in the form of arguments and whatever, are not to be avoided or grieved over. Assuming the goal is intimacy. Instead of trying to avoid it, the goal should be to resolve these conflicts well.

To avoid conflict is to circumvent further intimacy. And to be overly depressed about it is to not realize the role it has in furthering intimacy. It’s not fun, but it’s a necessary process in the growth of intimacy. I think that’s one of the biggest lessons I’ve learned.

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