I’ve gotten three massages in my life, and I’ve yet to figure out if I’m supposed to keep my underwear on or not. People say it’s optional, but I dunno, I’m still afraid I’m doing something wrong, either way. Keep it on, they might think I’m a weirdo. Take it off, they might think I’m a pervert. I’ve opted for keeping it on so far. I’m a tighty whitey guy, and I figure that’s naked enough.

Anyway, the last one I got was in Santa Cruz, and the person doing it was this new-age cuckoo I think, who I swear was injecting politics into my massage. Maybe I’m making that up. But the new-age cuckoo part was real. She spent part of the time doing this “ancient Chinese technique” (the name of which she said in such a way that offended me, and I’m not even Chinese) she claimed I would love that involved no discernible movement or pressure. She just kind of stood there and breathed deeply. Cuckoo. Maybe it’s just me, but I like massages that involve… oh I dunno… massaging? I’m crazy like that.

Anyway, I was giving some pertinent information, for example, that I’m a programmer and sit kind of hunched up in front of a computer all day. Also that I try to work out. To this she said, “I can tell.” Normally I’d be pleased, but the way she said it was totally disapproving. She then goes on for about 15 minutes about how she doesn’t understand lifting, how it’s bad, it compresses, doesn’t stretch, you don’t *achieve* anything, yadda yadda yadda. And I swear, she was talking about lifting but it felt political to me. She was saying “lifting is bad” but I promise, what I heard was “I bet you voted for Bob Dole.” I dunno, it was just odd.

Where was I. Oh yeah. I dunno, I feel like I should say more on this page what I actually do. And one of the things I’ve done pretty faithfully for a while is lift. I’m not hardcore, I only go like twice a week, so it’s more maintenance than anything. And I don’t want to be huge. Given my genetics, I don’t think I ever could be; I’ll always be skinny. I would like to be cut though. By default, I’m both skinny and flabby, worst of both worlds. I’d like to be like Eddie, who’s naturally cut, even though he eats a ton. Apparently his body converts it all to sinew and massive amounts of methane as a byproduct. My body doesn’t do that. No sinew, no methane. So it’s harder for me. Don’t think it will happen, but we’ll see.

Anyway, the reasons I lift are threefold. One, I dunno, it just feels good to. There are probably endorphins involved or something, but yeah, good feeling. The other two are a little more practical. I find that my posture improves when I workout. I think I’m past the point of no return to a certain extent, but in terms of severity, it’s not quite as bad when I’m working out.

The other thing is, well, a few months after I started this job 3 years ago, I started feeling pain in my hands and forearms. Like half our generation it seems like. It’s sad. Anyway, I started working out and they disappeared. The thing is, when I don’t work out for a while, I get the random pains again, like in my forearms and shoulders. Work out again, and they disappear. So yeah, I think I need to lift a bit to keep certain pains away. It’s worked so far so I’m sticking with it.


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