So the teachers were talking about pushy parents last night. Enlightening conversation. It’s no surprise, but aggressive parents definitely don’t make teachers like their kids more. Anyway, there’s this one kid, the dad’s trying to get something and the teacher is saying how she is always available for the kid if the kid wants and the dad was trying to explain that the kid is kind of passive and the teacher’s take is that maybe this is a good opportunity for the kid to learn to be more assertive.
I dunno, that made me think a bit. My mom was an aggressive parent. And I kind of think that handicapped me somewhat. Just, I got into a pattern where even if I didn’t do something, things got done, if that makes any sense. Which trained me to expect things to just happen to me, instead of making it happen for myself. And that’s something I’m trying to untrain now, and it’s hard. It would have been way easier for me to live with the consequences of passivity and deal with it at an early age than try to undo a lifetime of learned behavior now. But being assertive about things I need/want does not come natural to me at all.
Here’s another thing, I dunno how related it is. But Jieun likes being super involved. She on various committees at work, is helping choreograph the 8th grade play, she just helped judge a local Asian American Essay contest, stuff like that. Me, I don’t get involved. And I was thinking about why. Part of it is, growing up, I assumed Asians couldn’t get involved. White people got involved. Asians studied.
I dunno how I got involved with the jazz band thing, that was a fluke. But especially in high school, being a part of the B society was something for white folks is how I felt. And that kind of lingers with me. Whereas at Whitney everyone was Asian so Asians could do anything. Maybe that’s the difference? I dunno.