I have this fundamental tension in regards to the voice I use on this page.

One thing I really hate is fake Christianese. When people always use the “correct” Christian language, say the right Christian thing, don’t show any evidence of weakness or sinfulness. So you know, always saying stuff like “God is so good!!!” blah blah blah blah. I have no idea why it bothers me so much. Maybe the cynical part of me thinks it’s fake. The even more cynical part of me thinks it’s meant to make people feel good by making themselves better than everyone else. Basically bragging about their Christianity.

So for me, it’s really important to keep things real when I write, that is, reveal my warts, weaknesses and all. I just feel that raw honesty is more encouraging than fake Christianese.

The thing is, I think I overdo it. Like, any time I talk about anything God is doing in my life at all, I want to temper it with weakness. Like, I mentioned how I’m going through My Utmost For His Highest a while back. I really wanted to mention also how I’m 3 months behind. Why? To keep it “real”.

And therein lies the tension. I have an insane need to keep things “real”. But I focus on weakness and imperfection so much that I’m sapping the power out of Christianity, I make life with Christ seem no different than any other meaningless powerless non Christian life. That’s it’s filled with exactly the same struggles, issues and uncertainties.

And that’s far from the case. For all my weaknesses and foibles, my life is different because I have Christ. There’s an underlying hope, joy, and peace behind everything I do. It is markedly different from a life without Christ. And I dunno if that feeling gets out when I write. I fear all that comes across is I don’t know this, I can’t do that.

So how do I keep it real and honest while at the same time honoring the life in Christ within me? Not sure. But I think I’ve been doing too much honesting and not enough honoring.

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