I find it shocking that DK reads this page, even occasionally. Utterly shocking.
I find xanga culture amusing. Just, xanga makes it possible to stalk random people and “get to know them” without having any idea who they really are. There was this exchange where people were saying what their xanga usernames were and there were ahs of recognition around the table as people put pages to faces. Something about that is amusing to me.
So one theme this weekend was how the bride was for some period of time not interested in the groom at all despite repeated entreaties on his part. But eventually everything came together and resulted in what Jieun and I consider a wonderful match. There were multiple references to this process, with the words “let that be a lesson to you guys.” Persistence pays off.
I have mixed feelings about that, whether that’s really something we should be telling guys.
On one hand, it’s empirically true that sometimes persistence does pay off, on occasion wonderfully and blessedly so, as in this case. On the other hand, many times – I want to say most times – persistence will not pay off, and result in just frustration on the guy’s part and annoyance on the girl’s part, so inviting guys to be persistent is an invitation trouble.
The fundamental problem is that guys are clueless. So we’ll frequently see signs of compatibility where there are actually none at all. And we will see signs of a positive response on the girl’s part where again, there’s actually none at all. Guys persisting in this case just bothers girls, and puts them in the awkward position of having to repeatedly and with increasing meanness reject the guys. I dunno, I think I see it a lot.
So yeah, I really believe that the best thing a girl can do for a guy if she’s not into him is be completely and harshly blunt. They always worry about being mean, but really, it’s meaner in the long run to let a guy persist in his delusion that he has a chance, and guys will delude themselves with anything short of 100% bluntness. Even that is not enough sometimes. Guys are clueless.