Why I Love Waltz #1

Taking a break from Christian music, here’s another song I love: Waltz #1 (username: guest, passwd: [my wife’s maiden name])

Waltz #1

Elliott Smith

everytime the day darkens down and goes away pictures open in my head
of me and you silent and cliche all the things we did and didn’t say covered
up by what we did and didn’t do going through every out i used to cop to
make the repetition stop:
what was i supposed to say?
now i never leave my zone we’re both alone i’m going home
i wish i’d never seen your face

First of all, I don’t know a single person in the world who feels about this song the same way I do. I don’t even know that many people who like Elliott Smith period. But I dunno, when I heard XO for the first time I was blown away. It was just so musically interesting, a fascinating combination of sparse and lush. That comes through in this song, with a simple piano and harmonyless vocal accompanied by interesting moody touches. And emotionally, his music feels like someone took all the pain, hurt, and sorrow I’ve ever felt in my three decades of living, squished it all up, and concentrated it into a 4 minute song. It destroys me.

This song in particular devastates me. It’s the only song I know of that actually feels like crying. Raw, real, dripping with emotion. What I love about this song is it perfectly captures that feeling of being deeply hurt by love. We all know that feeling right? I think so. I think everyone goes through that at least once in their life. Being so hurt by things going bad (or never even going) with someone you thought you loved, and afterwards just going through it over and over again in your head. The waltz structure perfectly captures that feeling. As does the run-on nature of the lyrics in the first part. That’s exactly how it is. Just a jumble of thoughts and hurt repeating through your mind.

And I love the denouement (did I use that right? Probably not): “I wish I’d never seen your face”. That kills me. It’s so shocking, so raw, so perfect.

So yeah, that’s why I love this song, it just perfectly captures a particular aspect of my emotions. You know how you feel better after you cry? Sometimes I listen to this song on repeat and I feel like it’s sucking out all the melancholy out of me, and it’s as if the song is crying on my behalf. And afterwards, I feel sadder, but better also. A great song.