Danny ChaiI’ve actually been in a lot of turmoil since the money Bible study and the sermon last week. I do think turmoil is the right word. I’ve been pretty much thinking about it nonstop.
I’ve come to realize that when it comes to money, I am the weak brother. You know, the one you need to be watchful not to stumble. I’m not proud of it nor do I not want to change, but I recognize that about me. Basically, I have an unhealthy mindset in regards to money. I feel like I’m halfway there, maybe less than halfway. I know what Scripture says about money, how we should not desire to be rich, how we should be content with what we have, and I’m at the point where I can submit to that and live a simple life not trying to get rich. But I’m not at the point yet where I’m at peace about it.
The problem for me is Christians around me who are rich and have nice things. Most of them didn’t make getting rich a goal, it was either just a byproduct of the career they happened to choose or they have rich families. But regardless, they have what they have. And I find myself in a hard place, because I’m fairly convicted not to seek after those things, so I won’t get them. But I find myself being sad that other people get these things and I don’t. So it’s tough.
There’s so much screwed up with my feelings that I already recognize. For one, I fail to truly appreciate how relatively rich I am and how much has been given me. Like my ’91 Corolla, it might be old, but I paid nothing for it. It was given to me. As were many things I have. Including my overprivileged high school and college education. So yeah, definite problems with perspective.
More fundamentally, the problem is I think more money might somehow bring an extra measure of happiness or peace that I don’t already have in Jesus. This is actually a recurring theme in my Christian walk – me struggling with the feeling that other Christians get to have things the world values and in the end have salvation also, while I feel convicted to deny these things but find myself jealous nonetheless. In high school, I think it was popularity. Seemed unfair that people could be popular and Christian. In college, it was kinda the party lifestyle. Now it’s money. Every time, I’ve had to come to the realization that those things are fine but relatively nothing compared to Jesus, so I’m not giving up anything. Once I get to that point, I can give a flying feces what other people do, it has no bearing on my happiness. And I got over the other things, but not quite over the money thing yet. It’s a toughie.