Danny ChaiPastor Mike made a comment today in his sermon on Joseph, how he’s both good looking and well built, which, while most people consider desirable, can be dangerous on a moral level. Specifically, they cause people like Potiphar’s wife to tempt him into sin.
I actually think about stuff like this a lot, personal attributes that nearly everyone want, which are actually a hindrance morally or spiritually.
For example, good taste. Whether it’s good taste in food, clothes, music, movies, or whatever, everyone wants to have good taste, but is there anything spiritually good about it? I honestly want to know. As I see it, only bad can come out of it. You don’t get more personal enjoyment from it: you’re harder to please, less satisfied in general by those things for which you have taste, and it takes more effort or resources to satisfy your tastes. And the constant temptation of good taste is to look down on others who don’t share that taste. It’s a battle to have good taste and not turn into a snob. And none of that is good. So spiritually speaking, what good is good taste? It seems to me in many ways a curse.
I was reminded of this at Connie and Marshall’s 3rd wedding. I’m not saying I have the best musical taste in the world, but I am fairly discerning and have strong opinions about music. I was struck by the wedding because I fully agreed with the pianist’s playing (except for 2 chord choices in the second worship song). But I could not remember the last time I was completely satisfied by the piano playing at a wedding I attended (including my own playing). That made me sad. My discernment brings me less satisfaction and makes me look down on people, which sucks. It’s a curse.
I suppose the sweet spot is to have discernment that allows one to bless others and still not look down on others who don’t have that. It’s just hard is all. Fortunately, outside of certain foods and music (and some people would question even that) I have very little good taste. And I’m thinking maybe that’s a good thing morally. So like with Abby, I’m just wondering, why should we cultivate good taste in her? What benefit does that do to her character? Maybe it’s better for her soul if she never develops refined tastes in things. We’ll see how that goes over when she comes home from school crying because the kids made fun of how daddy dressed her like an engineer.
So yeah, anyway, I think a lot about things we covet, like looks and talents, and the effect they have on our moral character. I do believe that it is more difficult for extremely beautiful people to have strong moral character. Obviously, like Joseph, many of them do; I’m just think it’s harder. To make a huge generality with many exceptions, while growing up I always felt that the good-looking / popular kids tended to have lower standards of morality. So for a long time, I preferred hanging out with “losers”, the unpopular crowd (not that I had much choice), and honest to God, the reason was I believed that they had higher moral character.
Then I realized that I was wrong; they didn’t mess around not because of their character, but simply because they lacked opportunity. Like, I didn’t attend, but I’ve heard that those CTY camps for “talented” high-schoolers were basically sex camps for nerds. If they have the opportunity, they’re just as base as the popular kids.
But still, whether by choice or circumstance, it’s better not to compromise morally. So this might be odd, but I’ve always wanted my kids to not be too good looking. My ideal is that they be like Jieun, who was somewhat of an ugly duckling. I’m not saying that’s the reason she turned out to be the woman of character she is, but I think it helped. And since I care much more about my childrens’ character than anything else, I kind of don’t want them to be too attractive as kids. Because it does affect them.
I guess there’s a kind of balance to it. I think it’s kind of like with what Proverbs 30:8-9 has to say about money. Too much money, and we may disown God. Too little, and we may steal and dishonor God. I kind of think other things like looks are the same way: too much and we are more inclined or tempted to compromise, too little and we become too bitter.
Anyway, I think about stuff like this all the time. How will I raise children of character? What kinds of stuff influences their character? It matters a lot to me. I just hope in the meantime I’m not too much a hypocrite and that they don’t hate me.