Last night I went to Denny’s and we were the only ones in the entire restaurant. That’s never happened to me before, and it was a little bit disorienting. But it was kind of cool.

So right now I’m in this dilemma. I can’t decide which is better; Denny’s or Lyon’s. It used to be that Lyon’s was more expensive, but now they’re both pretty darn expensive. The service is kind of better at Lyon’s except one of the waitresses there tends to smell. But the thing that did it for me is that Lyon’s has this really limited menu at night. Like, there’s so little you can get. Whereas Denny’s has the full menu.

But recently, Denny’s has changed things. The pizano guy isn’t there anymore, and now they give you the whole menu, but they barely serve anything on it. So you go there and he says, we have no soup, no salad, no burgers, no dinners, no appetizers, no nothing. It’s unbelievable. I don’t know when this happened but I don’t think it was always that way. At any rate, we couldn’t even get a sampler last night. There is something seriously wrong with that.

So now I’m in a quandary (also the name of an excellent board game; highly recommended). I don’t know which should be my default restaurant anymore. I say default because on occasion, I’ve gone to Lyon’s and it’s been closed. But it’s random when it’s closed.

So recently I’ve been thinking how I used to be so innocent, and how interesting that was. It’s interesting because the world is not innocent, and it just bombards you with things, and it’s funny to me now how I took that. Here’s an example. You know that sitcom Three’s Company. I’m sure all of us watched it repeatedly. That’s because they always showed it on syndication, in between the hours of 5 and 7 or so. At any rate, I watched it again recently, and I could not believe how much sexual innuendo there is in that show. It actually made me really uncomfortable. Seriously, it was astounding to me. I would not want my children to watch that kind of trash. So the interesting thing is that I guess I just didn’t get all that stuff when I was a kid. That innocence is interesting to me.

This is one thing that kind of bothers me. In the past, it used to be that the shows on from 8 to 9 (this is Pacific and Eastern Time Zone TV schedule I’m talking about) were more family oriented and after 9 was when they showed more adult-oriented shows. The most classic example of this was on NBC Thursday nights. So at 8 they’d show the Cosby Show, then at 8:30 Family Ties, both family oriented and pretty tame. Then at 9, Cheers would come on. Which had a lot more sexual innuendo and was more adult. So when I was young, it was easy for my parents to regulate, because they’d just turn off the TV at 9. This is just one example. It seemed when I was a kid, all the more adult shows came on after 9.

Anyway, I think that was a good thing. But it’s not like that anymore, or not so much. I’m thinking in particular about Friends. I’ve only seen this lame show a few times, but there’s so much sexual innuendo it makes me really uncomfortable. I hate it. Just put it on after 9. It’s just stuff I wouldn’t want my kids to watch. Maybe I’m overly conservative about that. But I am.

At any rate, I thought, I still do think, that the 8-9 line was a good one. For regulation. If it’s more adult, put it on after 9. The thing is, syndication just messes everything up. Like, they’ll show all the same shows in the early evening, when all the kids in America are watching TV. OK, maybe not all, but all the non-athletic ones with no lives like myself. It’s just strange to me how they did that. At any rate, I know I don’t want my elementary school kids watching Three’s Company or Cheers or Seinfeld. Like I said, maybe it’s kind of conservative, but that’s me.

At any rate, back to the main topic. Even though I was bombarded with all these things, I was pretty innocent, I mean we all were at one time, and fortunately I didn’t understand it all. There’s one incident I remember in particular. I was watching Dallas, probably just flipping through, and this woman was taking to J.R. and was saying something like, yeah, I’m going to get a divorce, but I won’t sleep with you tonight. And he was all like, “Why not?” And I just remember thinking, what the heck is the big deal? All they’re gonna do is sleep. Why’s he so upset about that? Innocence. It’s great.

Anyway, another interesting thing is how they have all these commercials for feminine products on daytime TV. And of course, kids are going to watch this stuff. I mean, I did. But I didn’t understand it at all. So like there all all these commercials for like super-absorbant panty liners and stuff, where they would like pour blue liquid on it to show how much it absorbed. And I never understood that. I mean, until like 5th grade or something. But you know, my mom would buy stuff at the grocery store, and I’d see this commercial, and the only point of reference I had was diaper commercials where they poured the same blue liquid and I knew what diapers were for so I thought all through childhood that my mom had some sort of bladder control problem. That I guess a lot of women had but no men, for some strange reason. Innocent. So it’s funny to me what I concluded from commercial bombardment of pretty personal stuff.

I miss being innocent. There was one time my family was in the car and my sister asked a question, because she was reading some Judy Blume book and some character finds blood on her underwear and my sister was asking what that meant. I remember when she asked, my parents just kind of looked at each other, then smiled uncomfortably, and said, “We’ll tell you later.” And I was just like, “What? What does it mean? Why can’t you just say now?” Confusing.

At any rate, I think I’m not gonna have a TV when I have kids. Or even when I get married. There’s just very little I think that I really need to see. What I like watching most is the Simpsons, Jeopardy, and that’s about it. I’m grateful for college for weaning me off of TV. And there’s just a lot of trash out there, like soap operas, talk shows, and most other shows that I just wouldn’t want my kids to watch. So I don’t think I’ll have TV.

I mean, I’ll own a TV, to watch movies and play Nintendo 64 (feel free to buy me Zelda 64 if you are reading this), but I won’t get TV.

My dad the past few years has been getting hard core into nature shows. It’s pretty crazy. So he’ll tape nature shows like all throughout the week, then on his day off (he takes Thursdays off. A lot of pastors take Mondays off, but his rationale is when you do that, Sunday becomes the last day of your work week so you’re most tired then. He takes Thursdays so he’s mostly fresh for Sundays, or at least he doesn’t approach it like the end of his week, and all tired. But that’s a personal thing. The other staff don’t do that.) he’ll watch nature shows for hours. That’s all he watches. I don’t think he goes to movies much anymore. Oh wait, people have been buying him musicals. So he watches old musicals and nature shows. That’s about it.

At any rate, it’s surprising how interesting those nature shows are. Like, sometimes I’ll just sit down and watch, and it’s pretty engrossing. I think my favorites are the primate shows. Because they’re like societies, so it’s interesting to see how they progress. Also interesting to see how the directors anthropomorphize them. You know, attribute human characteristics to them. I wonder how much of that is legit. But anyway, it’s pretty interesting.

I’m really glad my dad was into musicals when I was growing up. It’s given me an appreciation for them. If you don’t like musicals, there is something seriously wrong with you. It’s just sad to me how many people haven’t seen that many. Not that I’ve seen a ton, but I’ve seen most of the classic ones. Everyone’s seen Sound of Music. My Fair Lady. Oklahoma. The King and I. Singing in the Rain. Seven Brides for Seven Brothers. These are great flicks. There are other ones. West Side Story? That’s kind of a different one. The Music Man. I haven’t seen South Pacific. I guess Mary Poppins is a musical. Oliver was pretty boring. The movie, I mean. Anyway, these are great films. I’d say my favorites are My Fair Lady and Singing in the Rain. Singing in the Rain I didn’t see until college but I’ve seen it 3 times since then. Some parts just kill me. Like the hidden microphone scenes.

Another great thing if you’ve never appreciated it is the Marx brothers. You have got to watch it. It makes no sense. It’s a lot like Airplane! There’s loosely a plot but mostly a bunch of lame jokes. Anyway, Duck Soup is one of the funniest movies ever made. Give it a chance. You’d be surprised.

It never ceases to amaze me how I can write so much about nothing. Nothing that anyone could (or at least should) care about, anyway. These pages are like the Seinfeld of the Web. It’s about absolutely nothing.

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