Wedding

I should talk about the wedding and honeymoon.

Honestly, everything that happened the last 4 weeks has been a complete blur. I said this to a couple people at the time, but it just felt like I was on a runaway train and I was just hanging on for my life. I wasn’t in control, but I was still careening rapidly somewhere. Very strange feeling.

I dunno, this will be boring unless somehow this stuff reveals something about me. Here’s one thing. I think me and Henry’s weddings each reflected something about me and Henry. Like Henry’s wedding, I dunno, maybe I’m wrong about it, but everything was impeccably planned and coordinated long before, and the people helping out really had relatively little to do. There were hiccups and things that went wrong, but generally, the things that needed to get done, were. The things that went wrong were more about ignorance or whatever than poor planning.

And yeah, they didn’t really need a lot of peoples’ help. I mean, we did stuff like moving equipment, shipping stuff, returning stuff, other random things, but relatively there was little for us to do.

Whereas with my wedding, a lot happened at the last second and we absolutely needed the help of a lot of people to get it done. Without their help, the wedding wouldn’t have happened. I dunno, there are too many people to thank here, so many that if I tried to make a list I’d inevitably leave someone out. But yeah, they were vital.

The groomsmen in particular were lifesavers – I feel like I’m eternally indebted to them. Dave came out early and I’m sure there was other stuff he wanted to do but I pretty much forced on him a bunch of stuff for the wedding. I feel really bad about it. But yeah, had he not done it, it just wouldn’t have gotten done. I think he said somewhere he thought he did a good job as a best man – he really was incredible. Possibly ideal. I could make a list of stuff he did but yeah, it would take too long.

I think Dave also asked somewhere who was the point man at the reception – that was pretty much Henry. He took care of a bunch of stuff the couple days before and during the wedding. I dunno, we’d just mention little things we needed and he’d take care of all of it, all the details, completely. And he drove us around, made sure the reception stuff was taken care of, took care of our room, and did all these other things. I dunno, I shudder to think of how the weekend would have worked out had Henry not been there.

John was also helpful in meeting with 100 different people during the short time he was here. Ha ha. Seriously, John was also ready and willing to do everything the whole time and did a bunch of stuff. And there was a lot to do. Dave made a short mention of this but yeah, because we had to do so much, we never really got a chance to hang out and talk. At least, I didn’t feel satisfied by it. So yeah, I feel bad – my poor planning kept us from having quality time, whatever that means. So I feel bad for my groomsmen – they did a ton and we didn’t really get to hang out all together. But yeah, I owe them a lot – they basically made the wedding happen. I cannot overstate this.

And like I said, there are a ton of other people we depended on but it would take too long to mention them all. But yeah, they made our wedding.

Side note. This is going to sound sexist but my claim is that groomsmen are just generally more useful than bridesmaids. Actually, that’s not true, I’ve been to some weddings where the groomsmen literally just show up. I dunno what I’m saying.

I’m not sure what to write about. Let me write about just one thing, just kind of incidentally related to the wedding.

My parents have a lot of friends and family and it makes me happy to be with them in a big group. Side note. Whenever I meet with my parents’ friends (whose kids are my friends) I always think about who that group is going to be for me in the future. Basically, who my kids going to hang out with. I dunno, I’m sure they’ll see like Henry’s kids every once in a while but that will likely be few and far between. Will Irving’s kids and mine be friends? Eric’s? Eddie’s? I dunno, it’s weird to think about, but it has to happen, I just wonder what it will look like.

So yeah, a lot of old friends and family were there and it was great, one of my favorite parts of the wedding.

One of the things I like best about old family and family friends is that they don’t try to “figure me out”. I dunno if that makes sense at all. I came across this great quote from Philip Roth that I put on this quarter’s short thoughts which basically says how we try so hard not to but we always end up getting people wrong. But that getting people wrong is what living is all about. And maybe we should stop worrying about whether we’re getting people right or wrong and just be.

That really resonated with me. I dunno, ever since college I feel like people have been trying to figure me out. Or that they think I’m complex or whatever. Basically they want to understand me. But I’ve always felt there’s not that much to understand. I don’t think I’m particularly complex. But I guess I’m different enough from others that people think I’m hard to get to know or whatever.

What’s refreshing about being with old friends is they don’t try to understand, they just accept you for who you are. I’m sure they have the advantage of having known me (or at least knowing about me) for all my life, and knowing my family context, which is significant. But yeah, I don’t know how to explain it, but when we interact there’s no… dunno the word… struggle? This subcontextual struggle to understand the other person that’s sometimes there with newer relationships. Just face value acceptance.

And you know, their acceptance probably gets me wrong sometimes. But that doesn’t matter, because you always get people wrong. But when people just take me for what I am that’s the best you can do. I dunno if this makes any sense to you, since I’m not expressing myself as well as I could, but yeah.

I remember I was a few months ago hanging out with some old friends and it was really comfortable and I asked them if I’d changed. I was just wondering, I dunno, have I become more complex since college? Is that what it is? I used to be simple, now I’m complex? But they both said no. And I think they’re right. I don’t think I’ve changed, but how people react to me has changed, if that makes any sense. So yeah, when I’m with people who just assume they know me instead of thinking there’s something to figure out, that’s really refreshing.

So yeah, that’s just something that’s been on my mind. Everyone gets everyone wrong. But sometimes, the people who assume they know me get closer to the mark than those who want to figure me out, and it’s a lot easier that way. Kinda random, huh? But yeah, the wedding just reminded me why one of the things I like about being with old friends and family.

One thing I don’t like – seeing how everyone has aged. Whoa. Talk about a startling reminder of one’s mortality. But that’s actually good also.

I guess I’ll write about other stuff later.