More on the wedding (Part 2).
Not sure what to write about. Maybe a little behind the scenes action? I dunno, I’ll just recount maybe how I was feeling.
I actually think everything went really really well, which was surprising given how hectic everything was up to that point. Like I said, a runaway train, and I was just barely hanging on for the ride.
SN. There were two weddings of people I knew in the two weeks following my own and from what I hear, we were actually pretty good in terms of wedding planning and preparation. I guess being frantic in the last week is par for the course and relatively, we were ahead of the game.
So yeah, everything was just a blur, including hang out time with groomsmen, and whatever, and that was my fault. The ironic thing was, I wanted very much for the Friday previous to not be hectic. That was a lesson learned from Henry’s wedding. Just, the day before, everything was rushed, and that didn’t feel fun. Not that we didn’t have a good time, just being rushed isn’t fun. The only thing that wasn’t rushed about that day was Henry and Matthew leisurely trying on their tuxes for 2 hours. Not that you would blame them. Side note. I think Selix is better than Gingiss. In quality at least. Possibly in price as well.
So I actually wanted Friday not to be too hectic. Just lunch with my dad, pick up equipment from KCPC, set up at the hotel, and then the rehearsal and dinner. OK, actually, that is a bit packed. But it got worse. On the way to lunch my dad gets a flat tire. So he’s late for lunch. So we’re hurried through lunch and we (me and Henry) rush to church to get the equipment. Then we rush to the reception place where we and John set it up. Then we rush to Henry’s hotel so I can shower and iron my pants (another thing Henry does for me) before the rehearsal.
Then, as we’re driving to the church, my car is swerving weirdly so we stop and look and, I have a badly flat tire. Unbelievable. What are the chances? That both my dad and I would get a flat tire the same day? The day before the wedding? Madness.
So Henry immediately calls James Rd. and says, “Who’s there? Get in your car immediately and go south on 101. Call me when you’re on the road.” Or essentially that. Paul answered but had lent his car to someone else so he took Eric’s car (Eric was making a bunch of CDs for me – another person I depended on) and came with Fara, who had been working on the place cards. We switched cars so we could go to the rehearsal and Paul and Fara took care of my car.
SN. It turns out my tire was slashed. Who would slash my tire at Henry’s hotel? Did I cut someone off? I dunno, it’s totally random and weird. But yeah, the hole was a gash in the side of the tire.
So we rushed to the church, late and hurried. And I guess that’s when it started to hit me, when I walked into the church. And it was absolutely surreal. I think it’s because I was rushed, but I didn’t have time to prepare or ready myself or something, but it was strange. Everyone was there, all these different people from different parts of my life in one place. Family, people involved, people working on flowers, musicians setting up, just weird. All for me and Jieun.
I’m not at all uncomfortable being in large groups. OK, some of the time I am. But most of the time, I’m totally fine with it. And, I’m not even uncomfortable being the focus of attention, like at small group or something. But I am uncomfortable when I’m the reason for the group meeting, if that makes any sense. It’s just kind of an unnerving feeling. Not only are you the center of attention, you’re the purpose of attention. It’s weird. Random note.
So yeah, we got to the rehearsal and went through everything. Honestly, I can’t remember much of it, just a blur. It was a cool feeling, though. That it was finally happening.
We actually went through the actual vows that day. Kinda weird, but the reason is, if you do it then, it’s less of a shock the next day and that makes everything easier. My dad makes sense this way. Also, the reason he has everyone turned around and facing forward is largely to get those annoying photographers and videographers off the stage. Seriously, I hate that – it’s so distracting. It makes a lot of sense. And actually, it’s kind of cool to see people during the wedding.
But, he doesn’t have perfect judgment. At the rehearsal, he was doing the wedding Korean style, i.e. announcing every part of the ceremony. “Now we will begin the wedding of Jieun and Danny.” “Now the bridesmaids will enter.” Etc. It was terrible. So Karen says to me, “ixnay on the announcing thing.” And I tell him. I think it made him really uncomfortable. He told my sister or someone that he should at least announce the first part, that we’re starting the wedding. But we stopped him, for the good, I think.
Dunno what else to write about. I think the groomsmen were talking about random stuff during the rehearsal, I heard noises and whatnot, but I’m not sure what they were saying. To be honest, I was off in my own little world. And I’m not even sure what I was thinking about. I think I was thinking that Jieun looked beautiful. She did. But beyond that, I was just kind of dazed. All I remember is that, there being no organist at the rehearsal, we meowed the bridal song.
The rehearsal dinner was at Ming’s. I was looking forward to this – all the family there, including people I hadn’t seen in a long time, and all the people involved. I think it went reasonably well. Can’t remember the food at all, though.
I was actually looking forward to the dinner because I thought it would be entertaining. Maybe more entertaining than the wedding. I had this fear that our wedding would be boring. I dunno, a wedding is either traditional, meaning you’ve seen it all before, or different, and ours wasn’t different. Just, at our age we’re in the middle of going to 100 weddings so it’s just one more. That was my fear.
But I dunno, the rehearsal dinner was a little bit different. We did this Korean ceremony there called paebaek. Most people do it the wedding day but it’s a lot less hectic if doing it the day before. Like, Keren’s wedding, during the reception they just took off and did paebaek with a small group of people, leaving everyone else. I dunno, I just think that’s kind of strange. Anyway, we did it the day before, which wasn’t original – my sister did the same thing. But anyway, yeah, the man and woman dress up in ridiculous Korean outfits and do a bowing thing to the parents and elders to show respect. And they throw dates and chestnuts at the woman to bless her fertility. I’m not explaining it well. But yeah, if you were there, I think my great-aunt explained it.
My great-aunt is a very interesting woman. She came to America I think in the 50s and married an American soldier. She and Jieun had a lot of interesting talks about that because that was before some immigration act so there are interesting implications of that. And they both did master’s theses on issues relating to Asian Americans. Anyway, she married an American and raised her family in white Oregon, so she’s very “American”. My family’s interesting like that – I’ve mentioned it before, but on both my father’s and mother’s side, there’s someone in the generation before my parents who married a Caucasian. My mom’s aunt and my dad’s uncle. So yeah, there’s a lot of American influence in my family. But that’s a whole different topic. Just one thing I was reminded of at the dinner was that since there are Caucasians in the family, the rest of the family is forced to speak English well, so yeah, it’s interesting how well my relatives on both sides speak English. I’m going to say that’s one reason why my family isn’t so typically Korean.
I’m not sure if people understand my great-aunt. Probably no one reading except Marshall. If he still reads this page. But yeah, she’s someone you want on your side because when she is there’s nothing she won’t do for you. She and my mom have a really special relationship so she’s always been especially good to me and my sister. But anyway.
So was it entertaining? I dunno, I just thought people, especially the non-Korean people, would get a kick out of seeing it. Just something different and interesting. I hope it was.
The wedding party sang a song for us there, kinda random, but they sang Barocha. And yeah, dunno if you noticed, but we both started tearing up there. I guess a foreshadowing of the next day. But the reason I started tearing up is because at that moment, I just felt completely happy. Just, I realized how blessed I was, and how lucky I was, to be surrounded by my family and good friends who were all doing so much for us and it was capped off in that song. I think the biggest gift I got from the wedding was realizing how lucky Jieun and I are. We really are. It’s very clear that we don’t deserve the friends we have but we have them, somehow, and it makes us thankful.
They also gave us a picture that we had just taken at the rehearsal. They took it to some 1 hour photo shop and presented it to us there, and now it’s sitting on our dresser. It’s pretty funny, at least to me. It was a “wacky” picture of the wedding party.
SN. The best “wacky” picture I’ve taken is from Road Trip 2:
I don’t know how to take a wacky picture. Just, when they say “be wacky!” I don’t know what to do. Make a “funny” face? Strike a “funny” pose? So yeah, I generally don’t do that anymore, just I try to be normal but surreal. That’s what I was going for in the road trip photo. I’ll just pose normally, but in a cap and gown. I love Andrew in this picture. He looks like some Greek statue pondering the scales of justice. Represented by the number ‘5’. But yeah, I don’t really do “wacky” anymore, just let others around me do it.
Then we went home. I remember when my mom got sick how angry I was that the world kept on going. Again, surreal is the right word. My family’s lives had radically changed, but the world kept on going as if nothing had occurred. Anyway, the night before wasn’t quite like that, but kinda. I went to James Rd. just thinking how I’m freaking getting married the next day and my life will never be the same. Meanwhile, Arthur and Keith are playing computer games, just like they always have, just like they always will. Not that I wanted them to stop. It’s kind of reassuring coming into James Rd. and seeing them at their computers. Just a reminder that all is normal in the world. In fact, when I didn’t see one of them there, I’d be alarmed.
So yeah, didn’t want them to do anything different, it’s just kinda strange that my life is going to change forever but the lives around me aren’t going to change that much at all. Dunno if that makes sense.
I had a terrible night’s sleep. I was wearing earplugs, so it wasn’t noise. I guess I was nervous. But I’m not really sure why. It’s not like I have to perform or anything. It’s not like I was scared. But yeah, I just couldn’t sleep well that night. Dunno how common that is.
Is this interesting at all? I dunno, I’ll get to the wedding later. I’ll try and do it director’s commentary style, but yeah, no promise on how interesting it will be.