Another quantity, not quality post. Like my recent short thoughts. No value added whatsoever.

For no particular reason I was thinking about some of the songs we used to sing in elementary school. I’m just curious how universal they are. Like, I know Dave knows a few of the stupid “jokes” kids used to tell in my elementary school, even though we grew up in totally different places.

SN. It’s kind of interesting to me the things that were “hot” in playgrounds all over the country and those things that were only big where I grew up. Like, at my school, some of the things that were big at different times were baseball cards, M.U.S.C.L.E.s, and Garbage Pail Kids. And of course stuff like G.I. Joe, Transformers and Laser Tag. My friends and I were also into marbles for a while. Random. I remember especially with Garbage Pail Kids, there were always rumors of how in another part of the country, the later generation sets were already out. Like, “my cousin’s friend lives in Arizona and they already have the 7th series.” Always a rumor like that.

Anyway yeah, the songs we used to sing were really violent. I dunno what that says about boys. And why we loved Garbage Pail Kids so much. I dunno, the video and computer games we had back then weren’t too violent so that wasn’t our influence. I guess there was G.I. Joe and stuff, but that was incredibly tame compared to the stuff out there nowadays. The first (and only) time someone got hurt in G.I. Joe was when Duke got shot in the movie. Otherwise, it was completely bloodless. Compare that to Grand Theft Auto and Quake.

So anyway, I just think boys are naturally drawn to violent things. No idea why that is. So it doesn’t really matter what types of violent stuff is out there, we’ll be drawn to it. And when I was a kid, we had our violent versions of songs. It’s a little disturbing when I look at these songs now. Especially since Jieun’s a teacher and everything. But honestly, there was zero seriousness about them at all. Maybe things have changed, I dunno, but it was just a big joke when we were kids. And honestly, some of the lyrics are pretty witty.

Anyway, for no particular reason, I wanted to share some of them, starting with the Christmas ones. And starting with my favorite one first. Again, sorta disturbing but whatever, this is my childhood.


(Sung to the tune of Deck The Halls)

Deck the halls with gasoline
Fa la la la la la la la la
Strike a match and watch it gleam
Fa la la la la la la la la
Watch the school burn down to ashes
Fa la la la la la la la la
Aren’t you glad I played with matches?
Fa la la la la la la la la


(Sung to the tune of Jingle Bells)

Jingle Bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg
Batmobile lost it’s wheel and the Joker got away
(That’s all I know. I don’t even know if there’s more to it)


(Sung to the Battle Hymn Of The Republic)

Mine eyes have seen the glory of the burning of the school
We have tortured every teacher we have broken every rule
We have planned to hang the principal on Sunday afternoon
The school is burning down

Glory, glory hallelujah
Teacher hit me with a ruler
Shot her out the door with a loaded .44
The teacher is no more


(Sung to On Top Of Old Smoky)

On top of Old Smoky
All covered with blood
I shot my poor teacher
With a .440 slug

I shot her with pleasure
I shot her with pride
I couldn’t have missed her
She’s 40 feet wide

I went to her funeral
I went to her grave
Some people threw flowers
I threw a grenade


(Sung to This Old Man, the Barney song. Not quite as old but still classic)

I hate you
You hate me
Let’s team up and kill Barney
With a great big shotgun
Barney’s on the floor
No more stupid dinosaur

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