Pastor gave another convicted sermon I think. Basically that if you’re putting trust in anything for comfort or security besides Jesus, it keeps you from the kingdom of God. It honestly made me reconsider my 401(k). That’s really not absurd. I think I wrote this before, but I once did research on the Christian views of money, in particular saving for retirement. Only the prosperity gospel people (who are absurd) are fine with it. The rest either say don’t do it at all, or only do it to give more, not to be secure. Even Christian financial counselor Larry whatever his name is shares the 2nd view. Not that everyone should do it. But that if you do do it, do it a certain way. I dunno, good to think about, at least.

You know what I was convicted about. I think I’m at a place where I’m fine with money, with not having it. It’s not a big deal to me. But what the sermon helped me realize is that I haven’t given up status. Like, it doesn’t bother me that my classmates are doctors, lawyers, venture capitalists, whatever, who make more than me. What bothers me is that they’ve attained a certain status that I haven’t. I think what I wanted was to somehow prove to the world that I’m “better” than them, whether that means another degree, a position, or whatever. Then I’d be fine being completely poor. Because I’d have this quiet confidence in having proved my status, my worth.

I dunno, I think I have to give that up. It’s just another thing in which I want to put security in besides Jesus, I think. I dunno, I have a ways to go. I think I’m just scratching the surface of what it means to die to yourself.

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