I loved Scott’s last entry. I dunno, I just relate a lot. Except for me, it’s less that I’m motivated by fear of failure and more guilt, which is similar but different.
The difference between Scott and myself I think is that I’m profoundly lazy. At least, I used to think so, but I’ve been questioning that like I wrote before, in regards to how I’m gungho about church and stuff, just nothing else. What it might be is that nothing has captured my passion enough for me to see it as worth the effort. So my life has always been take the easier road.
Have I ever explained why I dropped pre-med and went CS? Do people even know I was pre-med? I’m actually just one (P Chem) class short of fulfilling the premed requirements. That’s a heck of a lot of classes and labs I took for no reason. In the end, I just didn’t think it was worth it. I wasn’t passionate enough about it to stick with it. And I saw an easier way, CS. So I took it. But I don’t think, if I’m honest with myself, that it was ever that I was passionate about CS. It was just easier than the med thing and I was lazy.
That’s the story of my life I think. I’m motivated by a fear of failure and guilt. But because I’m not passionate about anything I take the easiest road I can that’s still acceptable. And I dunno, that’s a sucky way to live.