Leading

I have never heard a worship team play Famous One correctly. The song’s in 6/8, but there’s a part right after “… is Your name in all the earth” where there’s only 5 beats, not 6. Subtle, odd, interesting. Also difficult. I’ve never heard anyone actually play that. Most just stick with 6 beats because it’s easier.

I’m sorry, this may invalidate any musical authority I have but I can’t help it: I like My Heart Will Go On. Billions in China can’t be wrong. I have this fond memory of being there, and the song came on and I was absentmindedly singing along, and Esther Chun asks me, “Are you singing harmony to Celine Dion???” and she just dies laughing. What can I say. It’s catchy.

You know, I understand why Dave kind of split up his pages. I’m kind of confused writing on this page, because I don’t know who the “audience” is. I think most people who read this have no idea what’s going on in my life. I dunno, it’s odd, I think I’m both open and closed. Some of it is intentional, like I’ll never write about my job on this page, for various reasons, and that’s like a big chunk of my waking existence. But some of it is just audience confusion. Like leading small group takes up a large part of my life, but it’s kind of odd writing about it, with people from it reading, you know? I dunno.

Anyway, I think I’ve been learning a ton from doing it. In men’s group, the last thing we did was each write a mission statement for our life, and I think it brought me a surprising amount of clarity. I should write about it sometime. But one thing I realized is that I should be leading Bible studies.

Which is hard for me. I dunno, leading doesn’t come naturally to me. I always want to defer the hard decisions, and personality wise, I just don’t jive with “leading”. But for various reasons, I think it’s something I should do, and that was a key realization for me.

Anyway, how’s it been going, dunno. But like I said, I think I personally have been learning a lot. Here’s the biggest thing. I think I’m just now learning how to leave things in God’s hands and not depend on human strength. It’s something that took me like 20 years (and counting) to start to grasp, but yeah, I think I’m starting to understand it a bit more, and that’s interesting. After every week I’m always thinking in my head, “interesting”, just seeing how God works. I dunno, I’m being vague but it’s something I think I’m starting to learn.

One more thing. You know, I get really nervous around naturally holy people. Nothing makes you feel more unclean than being in close proximity with holiness. Not just holiness, but natural holiness, if that makes any sense.

Anyway, someone told me recently that they consider *me* holy. That’s absolutely stunning to me. I find that hard to believe.