I don’t know how to take a compliment. Basically, when I am complimented, I either downplay it or flat out contradict it, saying it’s not true. I’m not sure why I am this way. One reason though is I don’t believe people. I’m not unaware. I see compliments thrown out all the time, even when they’re clearly unmerited. Basically, the problem is the people I know are nice and want others to feel good, so they’ll compliment them when they do things, even (at times) when it’s not merited. Good hearts, but yes, I’m calling them liars.

So yeah, when people compliment me, I have no clue if it’s legitimate or if it’s that nice, wanting people to feel good thing going on. I’m against this. Probably because fundamentally, I’m not nice. But yeah, I refuse to compliment someone if I don’t honestly feel they did a good job. Not a particularly kind mentality. But definitely sincere.

There’s a lot of other weirdo stuff going on also that contributes to my complimentphobic nature. Like not knowing how to be gracious to myself, not like attention, other things. Here’s the weird thing. My love language is definitely words of praise. That’s how I feel loved, without question. I was surprised a while back when I asked my mom what she thought I was. I had just realized this about myself, but she said, words of praise, obviously. Anyway, I’m clearly that.

But at the same time, I can’t take, nor do I particularly like, compliments from most people. And that’s odd. The main exception to this is Jieun. I pretty much live and die by her approval. And since my love language is words of praise, but I have trouble accepting it from other people, all the burden of me feeling loved falls squarely on Jieun’s shoulders. That’s a lot; sucks for her. Sorry I’m like this, honey.