Danny ChaiStarting to get my head out of the water. Back to school night done, work decision made, worship set chosen, Bible study ready, things to worry about diminishing.
You know one thing I realized about myself: I’m terrible at identifying when I’m overwhelmed. Partly because that rarely happens. You may not believe me, but I almost never feel burned out. It’s reflected in my life, I think – I rarely take “breaks” from things because I’m overburdened. When I commit to something, I’m virtually committing to it until Jesus returns. Like, I’ve been leading a small group for 7 years. I’ve essentially been on worship team for 16 years. I’m not saying this is ideal; I buy the concept of Sabbath times for the benefit of both the individual and the ministry. I’m just saying I never feel so burned out that I have to take a break.
There are a few reasons why I don’t burn out much. One, I’m not afraid to set boundaries. Jieun is impressed by this, how I can say no to people in positions of authority. But I’d rather say no to things when I feel I have to so I can be faithful with everything else I’ve got. Two, to be perfectly honest, I never go all out with things, I always kind of pace myself. I don’t know exactly how to explain that, but yeah, in almost everything I do I pace myself. Three, I think I’m just naturally less stressed. It actually kind of bothers Jieun when we have a lot of things to do and I’m completely relaxed; it makes her feel like I’m not taking the tasks seriously. But there’s not much I can do about that.
That said, I’m human, and there are bursts of time, like for a day or a week, where I do feel overwhelmed. What I’ve realized though is that I’m not consciously aware of when this is the case. What ends up happening is something sets me off and I totally overreact to it, and when I peel back my response I realize it’s because I am feeling overwhelmed. It’s hard for Jieun. She’ll make an innocent request and I shut down or whatever because I feel overwhelmed. It would help if I could let her know ahead of time that I have a lot on my plate, but I never realize I’m feeling this way until after the fact, when something’s pushed me over. So it’s a tough situation, but I’m not quite sure how to address it.