Danny ChaiI’m reading this interesting book Pastor Mike recommended (via Hideyo, I believe), Simply Christian by N.T. Wright. The title is clearly channeling Mere Christianity (and possibly Basic Christianity) but the structure feels markedly different to me. Mike said people have described it as being the post-modern version of Mere Christianity. In any case, it’s interesting.
He starts off by arguing that most people experience what he calls “echoes of a voice”, a longing for justice, a quest for spirituality, a hunger for relationships, and a delight in beauty, and their universal presence is a sign of something, namely God. Especially with the first, it feels very much like Descartes’ proof of God, which I still think was too casually dismissed in my college philosophy sections. The interesting thing about justice is that humans universally want it, but we can only kind of say what it is. We can maybe point out particular examples of justice or injustice, but we can’t exactly say what a perfectly just society would look like. We’ve certainly never seen one. Yet we all have a sense that the world we’re living in is not a just one. Which is interesting.
Another interesting thing he points out is that while we universally value justice, none of us are able to live up to even our own standards.
I’ve been chewing on that quite a bit. It’s something I think about a lot, why I sin. I was reading about Socrates in that history of Philosophy book that I still plan on finishing someday, but he was firmly convinced that people always live according to what they really think. So say someone understands the detrimental health effects of drinking too much, but still habitually overdrinks. If I read things correctly, Socrates would say that the person doesn’t really think drinking is bad, or rather, that the person at heart believes that the pleasures of drinking now are of greater value than possible health issues later. If someone habitually oversleeps and is late for class, Socrates would say that’s a reflection of what he believes – that morning sleep is worth more than promptness. Even with addictive behavior, Socrates would likely argue that the addict at heart believes that the things they’re addicted to are worth more than the things they’re sacrificing to feed that addiction. In everything, action reflects belief. Because of this, Socrates went around basically arguing with everyone, a reflection of his belief that the only way to change peoples’ behavior is to change what they truly know.
I resonated with that a lot when I read that. And when I honestly consider myself, I think it’s true of me and explains in large part why I sin. When I sin, at heart, I believe that the pleasures of sin are worth more than the damage it will cause or the pleasures of a holy life. Especially secret sins, sins that don’t really seem to be hurting anyone. I know that sin is bad. But I don’t *really* know that life is better without it. On this front, I think Socrates is right about me.
So after reading this, I became convinced that the key to me avoiding sin is changing my beliefs. I need to think deeply and figure out and convince myself exactly how specific sins are bad. If I really, truly understand the repercussions of sin, I won’t do it. So I need to convince myself of that.
The problem is, it’s really hard to do that. Apparently I just don’t have the intellectual fortitude of Socrates. But mentally convincing myself against sin is exceptionally hard, even though I think there’s truth to it.
Or maybe even though there’s truth to it, it’s completely the wrong tack. Maybe like Wright says, we can know something is right and still not be able to do it. Not just Wright, St. Paul says roughly the same thing, right? That what he (we) wants to do he (we) doesn’t, what he (we) doesn’t want to do he (we) does. The right answer is that the only solution is grace. But I still can’t shake the feeling that when I sin, the conviction of my beliefs are just not strong enough. That sin is not *that* bad.
The solution is likely having greater conviction of belief, not by me convincing myself but by praying for grace. But yeah, I’m of the opinion right now that the problem isn’t just that I know what’s right and don’t do it, but that I don’t know enough that it’s right. Anyway, need grace.