I think the vibe I give off to people when Jieun’s away is that of complete helplessness. I’m kind of basing this on the questions people ask me. A frequent one is, “Are you eating?” Yes, I know how to feed myself. I am able to dress myself in the morning also, even in Jieun’s absence. I dunno, it’s funny.

But it’s really not that far off the mark. Actually, Jieun asks me the same thing on the phone, whether I’m eating, so it must be a valid concern. I dunno, it’s weird. When Jieun’s around, I’m pretty diligent about doing household things, cleaning up, stuff like that. But when she’s gone, zero motivation. Like, the bag I took to LA is sitting right next to the front door. Everything’s still inside except the toiletries. It’s very odd.

OK, I’m whining too much about Jieun not being here. New topic: kids.

Kids utterly fascinate me. I just have no idea what’s going through their minds. I was with two sets of kids today and it’s just fascinating to me. This one kid does something interesting – he’ll sometimes close his eyes while he’s doing whatever he’s doing, whether it’s walking or eating or whatever. Just an odd thing to do. His parents have a theory that he’s giving himself a new experience (by walking blind), or heightening an experience (when he’s savoring what he’s eating). Interesting.

I was watching these other kids and it was hilarious. They like to run forward on the carpet with their heads on the ground. Utterly random. Every time they did it I just died, it looks so absurd. What on earth are they doing? Why? No clue. They also liked to play this music and dance like crazy.

I dunno, there was something about the way they acted that was… not sure the word to use… inspiring? Just the purity of all they did. No pretense at all. Completely savoring something by closing their eyes. Dancing with total joy. I dunno, it’s all just so real and so pure. For me, I’m extremely self conscious, and never more so than when I’m dancing. On those rare occasions when I dance, I directly face Jieun and move away from the crowd so it’s just me and her. I dunno, I can’t get over the self-consciousness.

Not to get too spiritual (John wakes up, prolly makes a bad forced joke) but yeah, the Bible actually talks a lot about dancing. Dancing with joy because of what the Lord has done. I hope I’m able to do that some day. Not because dancing is good. I dunno, I just want to be like the kids, that the joy of God is so real in me that I “dance”, with no pretense, no self-consciousness, just honest, pure “dancing”. I dunno, that kind of purity in action is inspiring to me.

OK, one last thing about the kids that I found awkward. So they’re old enough to talk, kind of, and I like talking to them. I tend towards the absurd, of course. “You like Finding Nemo? You like fish? Do you like to eat fish? Have you seen Finding and Eating Nemo?” “Would you consider yourself a Calvinist or an Arminian?” I dunno, just amusing myself. I figure they largely don’t understand me anyway, so why not.

So in the middle of one of our “convos” this kid gets really quiet and face turns red. Mom tells me they’re taking a poop. I dunno, that was just awkward for me. What do you say to someone while they’re pooping? How’s it going? I dunno, it’s just a little odd to me, that they’re old enough to talk to you but still defecate right there with people all around. Not really awkward, I mean, they’re kids, but a little.

I dunno, kids are great. Dave-eque entry.

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