It’s hard sometimes to combat lies in your head, even when you know they’re lies.
I’ve heard it said that the mark of a good leader isn’t how well a group does when he/she is around, but how well it does when the leader leaves. If it continues to do well, the leader’s properly done his/her job of training and preparing. And that’s an (the?) important role of a leader.
Jieun once overslept and the principal had to cover for her. She wrote about this on her thoughts page, but she never shared the good part. What happened was, the class came together and realized Jieun’s not there, so they went about their normal morning class routine and sent one student to the principal’s office. The person covering was impressed at how well trained all the kids were. The fact that Jieun overslept was obviously bad, but how well the class functioned in her absence reflected very well on her.
So I guess I should feel good that people/groups thrive when they’re out of my influence. What I’m struggling with is the feeling that they do *so* much better when they’re freed from me. That everyone does better without me. It’s not true, but yeah, I’ve just been feeling a bit down.
What’s helping me get out of it is a new song I’m ecstatic about, Breathing The Breath, off of Matt Redman’s newest CD. (SN. Have you noticed how we don’t call them albums anymore, but CDs? When did that become commonplace?) One of those songs I can (and did) listen to on repeat for hours at a time. It’s got tons of elements I love – incredible lyrics I myself could not write with a thousand years of practice, beautiful piano, and an awesome extended part in 7/8, very Sting-esque. Famous One has one measure with 5 beats, but this is the first worship song I’m aware of that has an extended section with an irregular meter. It’s awesome, something I would write if I had an ounce of writing ability.
The last few worship songs I’ve had the ecstatic listen on repeat forever feeling about: Breathing The Breath, Matt Redman; We Are Hungry, Steve Fee; Not To Us, Chris Tomlin; Blessed Be The Name, Matt Redman; Surrender, Vineyard UK; Jesus’ Generation, United Live. Not that anyone cares.