Feel Like A Failure

Every time I talk to my or Jieun’s parents, I end up feeling like a failure. With my mom I’m not making enough money. With my dad I’m not influencing enough people. With Jieun’s mom I’m not a pastor yet. Never do I get the feeling that they’re proud of what I’m doing, of who I am. Maybe they’re right. I find myself a lot of the time wishing to God I was more ambitious than I am, that I was driven to be a surgeon, CEO, or something like that, to fulfill the vague notions of potential other people seem to have for me. But any time I pursue a path that requires that kind of ambition and drive it grates at my inner being with such violent force that I can’t help but feel that it’s contrary to my fundamental nature, that God simply made me without that kind of ambition, and I need to accept that, not combat it. Is that true? Or is it just an excuse? I dunno. But it gets really tiring feeling like you’re a failure in the eyes of people that matter to you. Especially when you feel feel helpless for it to be any other way.